Do you even know?

We never knew one another. Once we did my life changed. You looked at me and smiled and in that instant my heart melted. I have never been the boy crazy girl everyone talks about. I have never had a relationship and normal people freak me out, they scare me. I have only every liked a few guys before this. I looked at you and stared in awe. You were kind and gentile, and you never looked at me as if i was not good enough. I looked at you and I knew that You were almost everything i had ever wanted in a guy. You were sweet and wonderful and kind of amazing. You cared and you didn't leave even when we sat in silence, you sat with me. We talked for hours on end and we were content that way, no one bothering us or any awkwardness. It was natural. Then we slowly grew apart and then back together. Lunch came around and you sat across the table starring at me. My friend could even tell. You kept smiling and looking and it made me happy. You were happy . I was happy, It wasn't that i was not happy without you around but you just made me even more happy. I could be myself with you, no hiding who i was anymore because i somehow knew that you would see right through that so there was no use in pretending. And honestly with you I didn't want to pretend. We talked and I was happy. If only I could actually tell you what I see in you. How wonderful you are and that you are everything i have looked for. It sounds stupid now but you sing, i always knew i wanted someone who could sing. Then after I met you I learned what else I had wanted. I wanted someone supportive, someone who loved me no matter what. I wanted someone with strong boundaries that could stand behind them and a person who would listen to mine. Someone who was beautiful and wonderful and saw it but wasn't the person who would brag about how amazing they are. Someone Gentile and aware of how others feel.I wanted someone that I could share my faith with and grow in our faith and as people together. But most of all I wanted a Man of God! and looking at you today that is what i see. I see a wonderful person who wants to grow their faith and who wants to love all of God's people. Who is willing to go where the lord is telling him to go. Who is willing to open up to someone when the time is right. Who will love and respect their partner. You are all of these things. You drive me insane because i care way to much what you think of me. You make me what to become a better person, not for you but for myself. You make me happy and yet you drive me insane because all I want to do is tell you exactly what I feel, but will it matter? Will I lose yet another friend because i developed feelings, and very strong ones, for you? I don't want to lose your friendship, it is to important to have you in my life to risk loosing you, and yet all I want to do is tell you. I want to hug you and never let go. I want to grow together and i want to have an amazing relationship with you... But is God telling me that it is time? I pray and I pray to Him but i never understand what the answer is. I pray that we could be together because you really are the only person I could see myself with right now. Do you even realize what you mean to me ?