The Investigation

“Before we get started, is there anything I can get you, sir? Coffee?”

“I'm good.”

“Are you sure? We have chicory.”

“Fine then.”

“Cream or sugar?”

“I'm on a diet. November, ya know?”

“Of course. I'll send the officer to get you some.”

“Why do I have to talk to you? I've already told everything to that other policeman.”

“Sir, why don't you have a seat? You've been through a long day.”

“Tell me about it!”

“Actually, I was hoping you would tell me a little more.”

“What for?”

“I'm Special Agent Danvers with the Wildlife Protection Agency.”

“Goody for you.”

“And you are?”

“Tim. We can't all be 'Toms'.”

“Let's go over the statement you gave Detective Sanchez.”

“What difference will it make?”

“A serious crime has been committed. The victim was a friend of yours. Anything you remember can help.”

“Really? A guy goes after a turkey with an ax the week before Thanksgiving and you honestly believe that anyone is taking this seriously? What do you think I am, an eagle?”

“Sorry?”

“It's a turkey saying. If you're dumb, you're an eagle. Can't believe those idiots beat us out for national symbol.”

“Back to the crime, we don't think that the motivation was to eat your friend.”

“Sydney.”

“Pardon?”

“His name was Sydney.”

“Sydney's body was left behind.”

“Well, the Smiths did go after the guy. Bob Smith is a tough old bird.”

“Yes, I've spoken with Mr. Smith. He seems formidable.”

“His wife, Lucy? She dropped a bull moose to its knees once for going after her poults.”

“Bob Smith believes that you were the intended victim, that Sydney got in the way. Had you seen the assailant before?”

“Well... I had a job at a petting zoo back in October, at the harvest fair? There was this guy.”

“Why is this not in your statement?”

“Petting zoos are the strip clubs of your world.”

“I see. Why do you think this man targeted you?”

“He was always coming over and, well, feeling me and making comments about my 'taste.' My diet hadn't been going all that well, you know?”

“You're sure it's the same person?”

“I don't know. You all look alike to us.”

You're probably not safe until he's caught.”

“I figured.”

“We don't have a witness protection program. So, if you agree, you'd be staying with me.”

“What?”

“I'm sure you're hungry. I have a kale casserole heating up.”

“Are you nuts? I am not going near a table with a human!”

“I have a sworn duty to protect and serve you, not to serve you up.”

“I didn't think humans had any sense of humor.”

“Sir?”

“What the heck. As long as I'm at the table, not on it.”

Word count: 500