AFICIONADO

It’s been an eon that I've been broken, I thought I can mend my shattered heart but I was wrong. You have sow me deep , until my love grown broad in me. I tried to end what I had for you but I can’t. I also tried to resist your alluring smiles and your tempting eyes but you enchant me formidably. I'm looking by my window, staring at your quarter. Wondering when will you talk to me, after a long time that you've been ignoring me. A calm knock disturbed my sentiment, the door slowly opened “ Harrie, it’s almost eight you should be in school by now” She spoke to me. ”Yes mom” I went downstairs with my bag on my back unlively. I already left our house, walking to school alone makes me feel more uncomfortable, I miss you if you only know. Forlorn of my desire that one day I’ll get to lay my hands on your soft skin. I've always dreamed of you but I wasn't that worth to fall with. Yesterday’s mistake charged me half of my life because of losing someone like you. I've regretted every word that came out of my mouth that night. I used to wake up early to knock on your doorstep and wake you. We used to walk together going to school and every time we pass by the tunnel of trees the leaves falls down in a slow motion making me the only one thinking that it was romantic. Everyday was heaven when I am with you, but all of it vanished in my life . After that disconcerting night you’re starting to ignore me and avoiding me every time I look for you. I feel my heart in vain every time you do that, even my messages you don’t respond to it. I miss your voice the way you speak, your eyes that rolls on me every time you’re annoyed. Your mouth that pouts whenever you’re asking a favor , your very annoying voice that shouts when time for our leisure. I miss them all, “ Mr. Seagal, can you come here in front” I nodded. I stood up my desk leaving my mind thinking of one thing, and it is you. “ I’d like you to know that Harrie Seagal have amazed the campus paper with his inspiring literary work, it is very fascinating and impressive. Well done Harrie keep yourself inspired okay?” “ Yes sir ,Thank you” My classmates cheered and they've applause . I thanked them and went back to my desk. “ Congratulations Harrie you’re always on the top” “ Thank you” I respond in a weary manner “ What's wrong with you? It’s been days that you’re like that.” I gave her an unexplainable reaction “I’m good Sia, nothings wrong with me” After that it end our conversation. They can notice me weak with my actions, but I’m not just weak I’m completely devastated in love. It have torn my heart it have crushed my soul and my life. I can’t find my way out of it. I wish I can forget you so I can cease this pain.

One year ago, inside the convention hall I was alone, legion of students were crowding around the hall. The surrounding was a mess because of those people. I couldn't find someone familiar, the hall was very annoyingly noisy and even if I want to shout no one could hear me because of that commotion. Minutes past, I roved my head over the crowd and at that moment I have took a gaze on you. I didn't know what exactly happened but all I know was you we’re very enchanting, engaging and glamorous . You we’re meters away from me, I was staring at you for almost half an hour hoping that you’ll look back to me with a smile. It was very crowded but still you stand out from them, I may not know you that moment but I can feel that there is an urging spark from you that hits me. I don’t know what's pushing me to talk to you but It made me do, I was walking I don’t know why but I was walking towards your direction, and for an instance I suddenly thought what I was doing was insane so I stopped walking. I didn't thought someone would push me towards you, that made me struck you, I apologized and you said the same. I took a stare on your eyes , “ Excuse me, do you know where the cafeteria is ? ” I was shut when you spoke to me. “ Uh yeah, are you new here? ” “ Yes, It's my first time to join to a Leadership Conference” I smiled, That conversation made us friends, you we’re very charming, you talk a lot and I can see that you are very smart in the way you speak. I remember that you and I are checked in, in the same hotel during that conference. I was about to go to sleep when someone knocked on my door, and it was you. You we’re standing with a big smile to me I felt butterflies in my stomach. “ Would you care for a cup of coffee?” I don’t know what to say, you are irresistible even though we just met. After the two days conference, you and I didn't see anymore, I felt lonely I didn't even get your number. It was Thursday, I was home alone mom and dad went on a camp with their friends. I’m in my room listening on a music I feel lost that moment, I don’t know why but it was always your face that flashes in my mind every time I close my eyes. I stood up my bed and when to the window when I heard a vehicle stopped.
“ Movers?” I said to myself when I saw the movers truck in front of Mrs. Lawson. I was about to take my eyes off the window when a car stopped, the backseat door opened and I was surprised, it was unbelievable its you. “ You’re the mover ” I whispered excitedly to myself, I quickly went down my room, I've put some perfume on and I even comb my hair to look good on you. I went out of our house to meet you. You we’re standing, staring at the house. I felt something stopped my feet from moving when you suddenly flip your hair and it happened in a slow motion I feel like I’m drooling in your charm. Until you've roamed your head in my direction, your face was shocked you run towards me while I stood still like an idiot like I'm waiting for a bus.

“ Harrie you live here?” you said. “ Yes, you’re moving here?” “ Yeah, with my dad and my sister ‘bout you where's your house?” I feel like I was in heaven knowing that you’re my neighbor. “ There” I pointed our in my back. “ Really? Yey we’re neighbors!” you cheered. I can’t forget that conversation and that special moment. I said that time that whenever you feel lost there will always be a sign that can lead you to your way. I felt so lucky having you as my neighbor.

I remember the times when we we’re hanging out in our tree house in our back yard. You've moved here for almost a week and still you don’t have friends except me. We we’re at the tree house that night mom and dad we’re already asleep when you called me to accompany you. I went down our roof and jump from it you we’re waiting at the tree house. I climb up the tree house saying “ What is it?” you we’re sobbing so I hugged you I felt pity on you. I felt a hurt of pinch in my heart when I felt your tears dropped on my arm. I want to talk but something’s stopping me so I let you cry on my shoulders the whole time. That moment my feelings for you went strong. Whenever I am with you I just feel so good and I can’t stop it. It’s almost eight and we’re both late in school I was waiting in front of your house, I don’t know if I’m gonna knock or just wait here. It took me minutes before I decide what to do, I said “ Don’t knock” seconds after I've knock your door. Your dad opened it “Yes?” “ Hi, Mr. Alvin is your daughter dressed up?” “ Oh, I thought she’s already gone to school it’s already late. I’ll wake her come in.” It took thirty minutes before you came down your room. “ I’m sorry I made you wait, lets go” you said, I don’t mind you’re worth waiting for no worries. While we’re walking “ Why won’t you be my alarm clock?” you said “ Your alarm clock?” “ Yeah, so none of us will be late again” “ Haha, brilliant” I walked first, “ Hey wait up, come on Harrie please” then you gave me those convincing stare that is hard to refuse.


After that day, I became your alarm clock I always wake at five am to go to your house and wake you up and we go together to school. Being with you always is what I've always dreamed of.

When I was sick you we’re there, You we’re by my side that time when I needed someone to take care of me because my parents weren't home. You we’re absent in your class because you insist to take care of me and I always thank you for doing that even though I’m sick I’m all cured when your there. Doing our home works we’re still together, our neighbors say we’re like the twin-neighbors wherever you go I’m there and whatever I do you’re here. We we’re watching a movie when you said “ Lets go to the beach” I just nodded because you’re the boss. We had a great time at the beach as I can remember, I was walking alone the seashore because you had to change your clothes there are only few people there at the beach, I roamed my head the beach when I saw an angel walking towards me I feel myself blushing my heart beats faster than before I can’t feel my knees. Feels like I’m gonna break down with this angel I’m seeing. “ Hey. Lets go” I was stunned with your beauty. I've thought that moment that I was the luckiest guy who can have someone like you as a friend. But that ends my sentence and my role, a friend. Just you and me at that beach, I was tossing you on the water you we’re drowning me and we had a water fight, we've raced and it was so fun and so memorable.
I can’t stop myself sometimes to be emotional, because of my stupid illusion I've ruined our friendship. I've ruined everything that we have gained.

I tried to forget what I have for you, especially when I heard about the guy at school who courts you. It made me cry and made me ruin my reaction paper , because of jealousy my professor gave me a D for having my paper dirty. It was my first D. I remember the time when I saw you at the basketball court having a shooting with him, he was handling your arm to aim a shot. It made me so angry that’s why I went home alone without you. I was staring at my window wondering when you’ll come home, when a car parked at your house and it was Cart’s. I got angry again, I closed the curtains violently “ SHIT!FUCK!DAMMIT!CRAP!” vulgar words that came out of my mouth after I saw you with him. You've been calling on my phone on our line, in my Skype and you even emailed me. But I gave you no reply. I felt so hurt and angry because you rather be with that guy than be with your best friend. Hold up, like what I said I’m just your best friend. I was at our tree house, I was alone it’s almost a day that you and I haven’t talked after that night. You called me on my phone but I didn't answer it. “ Harrie!” you shouted from below. I just ignored you. You went up the tree house and hugged me, that made my heart shivered in delight although I feel bad because I saw you with Cart the night before that. “ I missed you” You whispered. I didn't know what to say or to react on what you've said but it made my heart explode in happiness. “ Hey! Talk to me please, you've been ignoring me since yesterday.” you pleased. But still you didn't get my reply. “ Okay, since you don’t want to talk I’m gonna talk” I sighed, “ Cart and I are together” My breathing stopped in an instance as I heard you say those words. Five words but means thousands of knives piercing through my heart. I feel something's poking my heart to death. “ Hey can you hear me? Cart is already my boyfriend” “ Well that’s good news” I said. I don’t know what came out my mind to say that in a good manner. “ Yes! We’re good! Finally you talked” you hugged me once more. That night I can’t forget , that was the night of pain, I want to drown myself to death but I just can’t, I can’t leave you.

After that night, our communication with each other went not that often like before and every time I ask you to come with me to go somewhere your boyfriend is always there to intrude us. I’d like to shout at him but even if I wanted to I can’t because I’m just your friend. It was Saturday, we have no class that day I was alone in our house, I’m staring at your residence pondering when you’ll come out with your boyfriend. I know that I’m already over thinking but I can’t help my mind not to think, even if it hurts me. Someone knocked on our door while I was sleeping, I went downstairs to open it and it was you carrying a bag of chips and some soda, made me smile. “ Movie?” We settled on the couch. Your eyes are focused on the movie, I was stealing a glimpse on you.

With my last glance you caught me staring at you. “ What is it?” “ How are you with Cart?” My mind is messed up , I’m thinking ludicrous things. “ Fine, why?” “ Nothing, I just find your eyes lonely” “ Lonely, No I’m not” that ended our talk. Weeks after that, our friendship went complicated because we've been seeing each other occasionally. We don’t even go to school or go back home together that often. Sometimes I've been calling you, but most of the time your line is always busy, maybe your talking to your boyfriend. It was your birthday, I was thinking to give you a surprise. I left a note to your mom for you. Saying that meet me at the tree house. I waited, yes I waited for hours, thinking maybe you’re just busy that’s why you can’t come on time. Again I waited but it was already twelve am and its way pass your birthday, the fresh three red roses the black moose cake that we both love the wrapped gift that I ought to give you all of those was wasted. I went down the tree house leaving those things up there. I don’t know what to do or what to say, should I forbid myself from seeing you? Should I forget you? I can’t help myself not of what could be right for me. Sometimes if I think of forgetting you my heart pains and even if I don’t I won’t be feeling okay. I only got two options its either forget you or keep you. Both options has its consequences and non of them are right, but I should still decide for the sake of my life. I adore you so much, and so much it hurts me bad. I can’t stop myself not to be jealous about you and Cart. I see you two so adorable but in the other hand it drives me to hell.

This isn't an admiration anymore, this is love. I love you more than I can imagine you’re my life, and every time I see you with him makes me think that I ‘d rather die than to see you with that guy.

Until that embarrassing night happened. You and I are together at the library you we’re needing my help in your chemistry class. It was late , it was just us alone with the librarian who was sleeping on her desk. I was reading when you spoke “ Cart and I are over.” I paused for a second. “ Why?” “ He said I wasn't the girl he was looking for” you've shed tears once again on my shoulders I felt the same pain when I saw you with him that night. You hugged me tight and all I can feel was the warmth of your skin and the beating of your heart. I felt agony and distress with all the tears that you've dropped. “ why don’t you see me?” Your stares went confused about what I said. “ Why can’t you see me in a different way?” Your sobbing stopped. “ I love you” Your eyes broaden. Your mouth made no sound as your lips leave no answer. It made me thought as a rejection, I stood up the chair “ Forgive me ” I said in a mortified tone. I took the book and left you. I felt so stupid and affronted of what I did, I wish I could go back in time and do things differently.