Dear Me

Dear Me:

Over the past year I have watched you submit to depression many times. I have watched you cry yourself to sleep, alienate yourself from the world, and continue the downward spiral of self-loathing both of us know is non-productive. I have also watched you struggling against it, and I admire your courage, even when you think you are weak and hate yourself for succumbing to something you cannot control.

Through all the triumphs we’ve shared over a lifetime, I know there have been many roadblocks along the way. 2015 was extremely difficult for you and, in the end, we were at a stalemate with one another. You drew your sword and I drew mine, and we engaged, but nobody won. We left the battlefield, scarred, but not beaten. We went in separate directions, but deep down both of us knew we lost that day. We lost. But, let us not look at this as defeat, but as an opportunity for change. In honor of the New Year, I have some advice for you, and this time I want you to listen.

First, you need to remember you are not your past. I know you will never forget all the horrible things that have happened, but you must stop letting your memories control the present. You are intelligent, creative, caring, and honest. I understand throughout life you haven’t received a lot of love and emotional support, and it’s difficult to believe these things about yourself, but you are important, you are worth something.

For so long, the core of your existence has been clouded by chaos, diluted by poison, and resistant to light. Your life does not have to be this way. Open a window in your soul and the noxious fog will eventually evaporate into the air. Take a deep breath, grab some tools, it’s time to rebuild your fragmented sense of self. Tear down those walls of torment so you may appreciate what lies beyond . As the dust settles, you will finally begin to see the light. Use its brightness to guide you through the darkness, and with each step you take it will be easier to remove the barriers of the things that you used to think defined you.

You will learn your past does not define you, it made you stronger. Your hatred does not define you, it disables you. Failure doesn’t define you, it was a learning opportunity. Loneliness doesn’t define you, there are literally millions who face the same battles. Lack of love doesn’t define you, it simply illustrates you must break away from those who are toxic to your well-being. Sadness doesn’t define you and neither does anxiety, these are basic human emotions, but you must not let them consume you anymore.

Keep building and working, so that one day the beauty of the real you can be seen by all. Don’t ever stop believing in yourself, even when your voice cracks, your heart breaks, and pain washes over you once again. You are allowed to feel, you are allowed to be vulnerable, and you are allowed to talk to others about that dark, secret place you never wanted anyone to know about. Show others you’re ready to make a change, and its okay to ask for help. For now, your purpose is step out of the rubble of your crumbled world and begin life anew.

It’s time to wake up now, and fight the good fight. Don’t worry, I’ll be there with you every step of the way this time. Some days will be difficult, I know, but I want you to remember the good ones. It’s time to embrace your whole self, not the fragments of negativity which only take up a small place of your entire being. You are so much more than a diagnosis. Love yourself, push yourself, but most importantly, be yourself!

I forgive you, and that’s all that matters.

Love,

Your Rational Mind

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