Plight of the Single Woman in Utah

Plight of the Single Woman in Utah

It is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman upon graduating high school must be in want of a husband.

As she enters the Freshman years anew she begins her search for a suitable specimen, particularly of the breed called "RM" if she is of the Native species of "Mormon" for he is considered the greatest game available.

She is the capture her prey and marry him within a year of their acquaintance. The faster the task is accomplished the more successful and respectable the female. The true mark of womanhood is to have her MRS before her BS and children before a career.

The competition is stiff, and becomes thicker still as one ventures closer to the watering hole BYU in Provo. Here in Utah Valley the spoils and targets of the hunt are jealously guarded or proudly displayed. All woman under the age of 25 without the proof of a successful hunt; a ring on the fourth finger, is regarded with suspicion, least she poach another huntress' catch.

A woman above said determined age is not to be feared, but pitied as an old maid. It is either a woman's horrific priorities or sad misfortune that allows her to obtain a degree before a husband and a career before a child. Such an amoral woman could be of no threat to a young bride and thus sympathy may be spared.

Yes, you will be watched in the valley by both huntress and prey. Both wary of your every move. Take caution, there is nowhere safe for the independent in a valley that houses a diamond shop on every corner and a bridal shop on every street.

You may pity, if you will, the native men and women of this land, but pity more those who migrated here from outside the boundaries. Prepared or not they are thrown into the hunting ground to be offered as sacrifice to the marriage alter.

Pity not only the husbandless woman, but the childless wife. Yes, even she who has captured her game is not above scrutiny if she has failed in the basic task of reproduction. Pity the divorce who could not save the most sacred of all things; her marriage. A woman without a man or child is nothing.

A woman is always to be wary of other women until all her acquaintances are married or have safely entered the safe stage of spinsterhood. Men are to be appraised for as breeding stock upon introduction. Do not feel sorry for these primitive people, for this is their cultural norm and is accepted and practiced as religion throughout the valley.