The lost of my mother

My mom died when I was a month away from making 2 years, she died on November 15th 2002, the cause of her death was that she was diagnosed with cancer. My aunt who is like a mother to told me the stories about her.

My aunt told me that my mother's name was Jenieveve parsons. She said that she was a kind woman who will do anything to help someone. She died on November 15th 2002, when she was diagnosed with cancer. My aunt told me that before she died she said to her, "tell my children that I love them". Her funeral was a week later and my father lift me over the casket to see her body laying there lifeless, so I turned my head sensing that something was wrong.
After hearing this I started behaving badly, my grades in school dropped I started trying to commit suicide and I also blamed God for taking my mother away from me. Even when my classmates tell me about my mother I just break down because knowing that someone you wished you will grow up with and who will take of you and be there when your sad is just not there I will never ever be there.
Even writing this I am in tears because it hurts so much that I never got to know and I will never get to know her I try playing it off by smiling and laughing in class, but on the inside I am just weak and heart broken. Seeing other children having fun and laughing with there mother just hurts me alot because I just don't have any, some people just don't understand how I feel it is just painful up to this day it hurts me alot and I still have suicidal thoughts. If I could have one wish from god it would be to bring back my mother.