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One man's journey to find the way home |
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I am an American Baptist ordained minister. I began my life journey in Massachusetts, where I was called to help people understand what it meant to know a loving God. The call came during a time when I was wrestling with how to help my brother Kurt, who was diagnosed with Schizophrenia during my high school years. I was a new Christian by my senior year following trying to understand what it meant for me to care about a person like my brother who others tended to stay away from. After twenty three years in Massachusetts, God sent me to the land of Kansas City where I spent about 35 years of my life. I was a pastor, a resident chaplain, a supervisor in training and most recently a caregiver and security. Everything I have done vocationally has been with God in mind. That does not mean that I am totally comfortable with all the movings of the Spirit. I am now in Erie where I do not know very many people. I came here because of my wife. She is from Erie and coming here was the right thing to do. It just plain made sense. My kids had grown up. I did not like Kansas city in terms of climate and was looking forward to a change. I had become very frustrated vocationally and longed to come to Erie to get a second opinion, because I honestly believed that was what God had wanted for me. I left behind kids and grandkids who I loved!!!! I had two jobs that I enjoyed. They were both very appreciative of my skills and I was making more money with the two jobs than I ever had. I heard more than once. ARE YOU CRAZY? Well I can only say that I am in love with God's leading. I am starting all over again. It has not been easy. Maybe some of you can offer me some words of support. I am lonely despite the fact my wife is with me. She battles depression and has two siblings that are having similar battles. When it is all said I am in a depressed community with a depressed wife and her family. So I begin the conversation.... WELCOME!! |
| Glad I can be with my family for the holidays. I will look forward to sharing stories of my cancer journey. I guess when all else fails get chemotherapy. I pray it works. Sleepy today for some reason. Maybe it is the cold. My kids are caring for me. Pray they learn patience. |
| It feels like the day after getting doctoral assessment about bone marrow transplant I would be happy. There was .40 cancer in my results. So now what. I go on chemo and transplant seems out of the picture no matter what. It feels like I am being cornered. I love my family and long to see my wife who is in a nursing home in Erie. I love being a pastor. My faith in resurrection is firm. I just do not know where things go. I am resigned to enjoy the life I have left. To God be the glory. Just one more time with my family, a walk in the snow or rain be with me Lord. Hugs for all who loved me. I miss my kids and grandkids so the question becomes how do I manage the rest of my life? |
| Finally I get to the day where I see what happens with Leukemia. Hopefully it will be a good day. It has been busy of late with no washer or dryer working and my razor also does not work. Help me be patient God. |
| The adventure still in process. I am waiting for procedures and tests to come back in my favor. The greatest adventure of healing and inspiration will no doubt come in the days to come. Until then I long for peace. |
| Comedy of errors on one airplane flight. Of course I am recovering from acute Leukemia hobbling to my seat. I hope I don't regret getting insurance. As I ready to board a crew member can not be found oh no! Finally she arrives out of nowhere after getting paged. Then the power goes out. I and another lady are the only ones on board-Waiting. Finally the power is on. Another disabled person comes on. Gum on seat. I am not sitting there. Oh yeah. Where will everyone sit. |
| Cancer: have you ever battled for your life and wondered if it was worth it all. One dayI was walking ten miles a day. Then starting April 17th my life changed. My wife Sharon was dealing dementia. I was glad she told me to call the doctor. The doctor told me to go to the hospital in an ambulance. I am glad I listened. I was very weak and was given three transfusions. That was just the beginning of journey. Much of I now know took place after all my family raced to Shady Side cancer unit in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. There was concerns about whether I would live or die. Much of the time I was out of it, restrained for my safety , I was pulling out pick line and nasal tubes. I had no idea what was happening. I was tube fed for thirty days. Thank God after numerous procedures and x-rays, they were able to diagnose me with acute Leukemia. I dreaded the test and procedures. This was the first time I had experienced life as a patient. I was given a urinal after they my catheter was rudely yanked off by a nurse ready for vacation. I failed two barium swallow tests before I passed the third and was told to eat all I wanted. I made the mistake of doing this while bed ridden. Poop piled up blocking me up making it impossible to pee. I would go through numerous laxatives and stool softener before they gave me a colostomy enema. I pooped for 45 minutes straight and eventually would come out of my stupor get rehab and be discharged. . |
| Well I am still hanging in there. I realize that my days are numbered. It has been a fantastic experience. I pray that God will help me figure out what to do next. I have a wife increasing worse with Alzheimers. I honestly don't know what to do at this moment |
| A long long time since I wrote. That is because I was hurt and you might say I am trying to recover. So I take all these words that threaten to tie me up and suffocate me and pray that by putting them on paper I will discover I can be healed. I still wonder what a friend is. Maybe before I die I will find out. |
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