Fish Breath Gum

Co-winner of "The Writer's Cramp - Poetry Week!"  due Monday, August 22, 2016 "WINNER AND NEW PROMPT - Due Aug 23"  

Chewing gum is being updated back to the past; synthetic plastic with artificial flavor/sweetener is being replaced by the much more natural, tree gum.

One of these new/old products is called Glee Gum. That started my thinking about future fashions in gum chewing. What will come next?

~~Anti-depression, Dieter’s gum, Get richer gum, Peaceful gum, Anti-Cancer Gum, Politically correct gum . . . ?

Write a poem or story about a new gum, one with a catchy name, that promises to solve a problem for the chewer.

Have you ever been on a terrible date and you felt like they were more into you than you were into them? Of course you have! Well, science has developed a new technology to help you break that person’s unwanted affection before it can get a real hold—the all new Fish Breath Gum!

You see, what makes Fish Breath Gum so unique is that it targets a part of the other person’s interest in you without them realizing they are being targeted. The nose isn’t given the credit for sexual attraction that it deserves. Pheromones are given off by everyone and they are often the cause for initial attraction without either person being aware. In addition, scents are some of the most powerful tools we have for building and recalling memories.

Fish Breath Gum causes your breath to begin smelling like rotted three-day-old fish in just a matter of minutes. As soon as you begin to sense the date isn’t going as you’d hoped, but they don’t seem to be on the same wave length, just pop in a piece of our Fish Breath Gum and soon they’ll change their tune. Our patented technology allowed your breath to cover the distance of the table, no matter how large it may be. Your partner will soon be leaning back and realizing that they’ve been mistaken in their interest level in you. We guarantee our product is so strong, they won’t even be fantasizing about you in the privacy of their own bedroom. They’ll be completely turned off by you, but they’ll have no idea it was all in your plan so you can save you both the discomfort of having to tell them you only think of them as a friend. Fish Breath Gum guarantees results or your money back. If they ask you out again, we’ll even double your money back.

Now, this isn’t the only use for Fish Breath Gum. Are you on a date with a hunky guy who’s a total loser, just your type? Well, hand him a piece of Fish Breath Gum and you’ll quickly realize this guy isn’t for you after all! But don’t worry, your secret will be safe because Fish Breath Gum is packed full of reverse flavonoids which prevent you (or whomever you’ve given the gum to) from tasting or smelling the impact of our powerful presence.

Fathers, disapprove of the young man waiting downstairs for your daughter? Well, offer him a piece of Fish Breath Gum and your daughters date will be a dream…for you. Fish Breath Gum comes in both strawberry and minty fresh flavors for your enjoyment or to keep your suspect unsuspecting—which brings us to yet another use of Fish Breath Gum…self-defense! Walking alone in a dark area? Just pop in a piece of our delicious deterrent and no one will come within fifteen feet of you. Walk to your car or to your home in safety and peace.

Fish Breath Gum—the only gum you’ll ever need!

Warning: Fish Breath Gum may make you more attractive to the following—cats, dogs, raccoons, possums, bears…

Turning from the TV, Kathy calls out over her shoulder, “Hey, Mom! Remember that guy you went on a date with that you said was super hot, but had really horrible breath…?”

Word Count 551