Emotional Pain

Pain, it's such a simple thing when you first think about it. Two kinds, physical and emotional, but which hurts more? You can argue either way. I use to think physical hurt more, but that was before I met you.
I met you two years ago. We talked and eventually liked one another but neither of us did anything about it. It's my fault really, for not trying hard enough, for not even trying even after I found out you liked me. I find many reasons why we didn't, but the main problem was me. I don't know what I was to you, we hardly talk anymore and especially not on that topic. I see you with other guys and I get jealous, though I shouldn't.

What I feel is more than jealousy, it's pain. Pain, the pain that I didn't try hard enough. The pain in my head for being stupid. The pain in my head for not trying at all. Was I scared? Of what? It was a sure shot of a relationship. What stopped me. I don't know and that pains me. It pains me that I think about what we could have been. Then I see you with my friends, you talk to them more than me, why? Is it because of our past? What you think will happen again and you don't want to waste your time? I don't know, and it pains me not knowing. It pains me seeing you. Looking at myself! I want to cry. I want it all to stop. I'm not emotional, but you made me like this for you. I just want the pain to stop.

I feel angry though I don't see why
I feel disappointed though I don't see why
I feel ashamed
I feel embarrassed
I feel stupid
I feel sad
Though I don't know why