Decision

It's an extremely hot day. I lay underneath the metal ceiling fan in our living room. I don't have a shirt on, but I don't care, I'm not old enough. The sun beats unmercifully outside and I lay on the rug with sweat trickling from my neck that pools in my belly button. The concrete walls keep the heat just at bay but I am still hot. I've been playing out in the yard and have come inside to cool down. I lay staring up at the fan. It's whirring round and round. Mom is out for a while running errands with my baby sister. My twin sister is nowhere to be found. My dad is still at work. I'm so bored. I close my eyes and feel the whispering of the fan across my hot belly. My face stings from the heat and I wipe sweat out of my eyes. My hair is wet and I can feel it drying as the blades make their way across my body. I have to find something to do to pass the time. I can't lay here forever. My little hands are itching for something to do. I stretch then, thinking of the possibilities. Suddenly I sit up. I know where my afternoon will take me after all.

Sneaking out to the back of the house, I peer around. The sun is baking the grass a mud brown. Its force blinds me for a second causing those black dots to appear in front of my eyes. I stand there for a few seconds, blinking to get used to the full light. I need to make sure no one can see me. This is going to be fantastic and I smile at the sheer fun of it all. My mind warns me that this is probably not a good idea according to what my parents will think, but it's just too irresistible and I quickly push the thoughts to the background where they belong for now.

I turn toward a back door of the house and quietly push through to a dimly lit hallway. I come to the first door to the right of the hallway and push it open. The sunlight filters through the dormers of a window. I close the door and glance back toward the hallway. It's still quiet out there. Turning towards the room, I see what I have come for. There are stacks and stacks of old newspapers housed in this room. Breathing in the musty smell of the old newspapers, I stand there for a few minutes. The papers are crusty and beginning to yellow. Small spiders spin their webs on the walls above them. Looking down, I swipe my foot across the dust covered floor leaving a wide sweep of concrete cleaned at least for the moment by my shoe. My heart beats wildly as I stand there and survey the scene before me. There is just one last thing I have to do before I can get to my purpose.
I sneak back out into the hallway, closing the newspaper room's door. I have to act fast now. I hurry down the hallway toward the last room on the right which is where our kitchen is located. I've got to be quiet but quick. I round the corner into the kitchen. No one is there. I run to the kitchen sink and look at the drawer to the right. Grabbing at it and pulling it, I peek inside the drawer. There, lying in plain sight is what I've come for. My heart leaps. So far, so good, I think. I grab the long box, put it in my shorts pocket and retrace my steps swiftly and sneak back to the newspaper room.

When I get inside, I grab a big stack of newspapers and make my way outside to the back of the house. I place the newspapers in a big pile. Pulling the long box from my pocket, I push it open and stare at the matches inside. I pluck a match from the box and look down at the newspapers in a stack out in the backyard. Quickly, before I think too much I strike the match on the side of the box. It flares and I throw it onto the newspapers. They combust immediately. This excites me as I watch the flames eating their food. I inhale the beautiful fumes of burning paper, but turn instantly to the door. This fire needs to be bigger. I run inside, not caring now who can hear me and grab another stack of newspapers. My growing inferno cannot go out now. I hurry outside and add my gathering to the heap of burning debris. The flames grow higher. I'm standing right on the edge of my fire and can feel the heat burn my face with a slick of sweat on my brow. I watch as the flames grow bigger in nature and the heat intensifies past my body. This is the most stunning moment I have ever observed in my young life.

Just one more time, I think. I grab the back door knob which has been heated by the fire. I barely noticed the burns it leaves on my palms. I push through and get to my sanctuary and gingerly grasp the pile of papers in front of me and rush outside with them. I add them to the burning mound of paper. This is the last straw for my peaceful fire. This is more than I expected. The flames lick higher, burning the overhang of the balcony just a bit. I can see it turning brown and turning a little crusty.
I'm nervous about it, but proud of my fire and that I thought of it in the first place. I feel like this is the first decision I've made by myself and I feel big and grown up. My heart swells and I gaze into the rushing flames with a smile. All of a sudden, the back door opens and dad is standing there with a look of disbelief. He looks at me with disappointment burning in his eyes, their heat almost as intense as the real fire. I don't know what comes over me, but all I can do is escape his eyes so I turn on my heel and run as fast as possible. Dad was on the other side of the fire and I am sure he had to put it out so I know no one is following. I stumble over clots of dirt and grass in our expansive yard and somehow manage to stay upright. I keep running knowing that sooner or later someone will be after me. Gasping for air, I see a small group of trees with leaves that reach to the ground. This will be my safe haven. I rush into the copse and stand among them the pain thrumming in my chest from running so hard. I bend down to my knees trying to breathe evenly. I am like that for a while and after catching my breath, just stand there; peeking out of the dense thicket of leaves not knowing what to do next.

I'm not sure how long I stand that way, but dusk is falling. The first star has come out and I can hear dad and mom calling for me. We have a lot of land, but I also knew they will probably find me soon. They knew me too well and I am too young to stay there for long. I will be in deep trouble when they find me. First, for building the fire to begin with because I have been taught about fire safety, and second for running away like I did. I stare up into the darkening sky. I don't care. I am still proud of myself for the decision I have made on my own and nobody will take that feeling away from me. I mentally congratulate myself for a job well done and grin to myself about how huge the fire had gotten. I sigh and know that I must come out of hiding. I take a deep breath and step out into the darkening yard. For a moment, I hold my head back and gaze at the moon, feeling the gentle breeze that flows over my face that I hadn't felt in the thick of the trees. I raise my hands up into a celebratory pose standing like that for a few seconds feeling I have conquered the world. Then calling out to my parents, I trudge towards the house to face the wrath.