Dear Jane

Dear Jane,


If I had a chance to talk to you again, and you would let me this is what I would tell you...

You were my real first, my one true love. A good that taught me how to live life properly, or how god wanted us too, is how you would've put it. Unfortunately, I'm still a pessimist, however, whilst in pursuit of finding why or how I wanted to live bought me nowhere. The more I search outside and traveled the lands of unknown, the more questions that have risen to why we do what we do. Hopefully this is not a clichpiece of saying, but I truly did search the meaning of life. Because of you, my heart was truly un repaired, it was broken to an extent I cannot love. I still trust, I still feel sad, happy, angry , missing that true love that was a big piece of the question, the meaning of life. I knew you know that I was inexperience, young and stupid in emotions. But just to let you know I would never have hurt you, the purest intentions that of a child. The raw emotions the feeling that shines of me can be felt to others as i was willing to forgive no matter what.
I'm not sure what you felt, or how you feel now. Maybe nothing since the one you're with is absolutely perfect in every way. But you ... you have missed out on something bigger...

Through my long trip to awaken, I have figure out that the humans mind is not only simple but repetitive. We do things the same way and wanting a different result, it's the habit that makes us human. The simplest things in life that makes us wonder and pass that on to our children to pursue it, and that wonder becomes an action and passion of pass life. It was a long journey, but that is my answer so far..
The only thing that was still missing was the emotion that I felt from the beginning with you. That raw true forgiving love that I was looking for was nowhere to be found. But then I met someone. This person showed every emotion, every intention that I had when I first met you. She was forgiving, caring, loyal, truthful and open to influence. I almost let her go, but I held on. The more I was with her the more I learned about myself, about how to control the darkest part in me. I use to think that I have to change myself to one day be with a person like you. But I was wrong, so wrong.

I learned to control my anger, while she stayed focus and pure the way she always was. I couldn't handle that she was so calmed and knew what she wanted. She was so certain, yet every corner I take I knew there was a problem but yet I hanged on. Like a rock climber in the tightest position, they hold on with their fingertips until they can a grip again and keep moving forward. That pure, pure love although yet I still can't feel it inside myself. I feel it through her aura. It felt like I was home again as I felt that. So now I'm writing this to you as a letter, to show what you have missed. What you would've learned through the boy back then. A man is nothing as he repeats the same thing again and again till he passes the torch. Yet a boy which I am still now, searches and explores the very existence itself. You missed out Jane, you have blinded yourself and left yourself a stray, you have conformed to the ideologies of others who have them self-blinded, and I hated you so much for that what you did to me of what I could've been
And yet I still love you....

Love D