Awakening

Awaking- Parte 1
Time is going

I'm looking for my clock to let me know if I'm alive. Am I the only one who stresses for this mundane action? It's strapped to my left arm twenty four hours a day, just to remind myself that my time has gone by and this way not lose a single moment in my life. Yet, I don't want to know why my time passes or why it doesn't cease to be at this very moment.

I'm so aware of it.

It would be ridiculous for me to look at the second hand through the 24's. I know, because I've done it. Until then it comes to me. It's my diary, but why everyone calls it time? That's out of my goddamn mind.

The voyage that you will partake, it’s my awaking maze, my life, and you've just stumble upon it. It's my time, my diary. However, it doesn't come close to explaining the "why's" and "but's" about time and ironically my life. It's a hyper-detailed explanation of the experiences I've had in life on Planet Earth. The everydayness that is my life. And through it, expect to be lifted from the second by second life time-frame we live every day and becoming a writer of your own diary this very moment in time.

Reality

For me it's not much more than waking up and seeing the bright blue, red and yellow lights dancing around to the rhythm of a song. They go up and down, sometimes caressing the very nature of reality. No wonder I'm so aware of it. They see everything I see. Sometimes, I believe they feel the very essence of existence before I even get to experience it. In many ways it's a fortune to have them. They encapsulate everything on sight. Every person I choose to observe is engulfed in the white lights. You just chime to the rhythm of reality beautiful. Sparkles everywhere. Sparkles are everywhere for me. Reality is a spectacle in every sense of the word.

They take me by surprise, every morning, greeting me, thus revealing that I'm alive. Yes, I'm here. I am really being on the world. I acknowledge the fact that I am in this body that I'm so aware of. So, I can state the obvious.

I am alive.

But it doesn't explain the essence of being alive. Because the inexplicable blank space of human experience is left to randomness. It doesn't take into consideration the binding substance that living latches on.

Let me be clear, it is not the interaction I have with the outside world. Because my body is the world. It only experiences what the world wants it to experience. No matter what I choose to do, my body it's the first to act. I'm controlling it. But in no way I control what I feel from the outside.

I'm naked, like a small cut on your finger. It hurts. In the open for the world, I accept that nothing will shield me from you. I feel you.

You are genuine.

World you own body, but let me be clear, not my mind. This is important.

Just validate your senses, our being and that would bring forth life.

The ideal example

Try to envision what is to be blind. I can relate this. It's a fact that a blind person have to understand their position in this world, in existence. No amount of words is going to describe the world to them, we experience it---our bodily sensations experience it. Our eyes only tells us so much of what we see. Because I see what I want to see. I'll just shut my eyes off. I don't want to experience something hurtful. We never see what we never felt. I'll feel like what I'm feeling, but ignore what I'm seeing for feelings. Looking, eyeing for meaning in this world is screaming at the top of your lungs your name and waiting for your own response.

Ninety-three million miles separates us, but I know you are there. I don't feel you besides me and darkness has come. But I know you are there. Sheets of clouds cover you in your sleep. Not much light. I don't see you. But I know you are still there. The moon is shining my path on this dark night. Surreal images form in front of my eyes. I'm safe because you are still there. I will not look at the Sun just to comprehend it's there. I want to feel your warmth.

A blind person can't measure a distance, but they can feel it. The skydive that is our life, ends without a parachute. It stains the very ground that watched you grow. Without precautions or consequences, it told you to jump off. And nothing more.

Closing your eyes for only the sense of security, is certain death. But if a blind man closes his eyes, he is one step closer to knowing himself. If anything, what started off as a jump, will end up in a tragically ending, but beautiful voyage through time, your diary.

These words do not describe the fundamentals feelings of being alive, they just shine a dim light on existence. It's barely visible.

The void is obvious.

Under no circumstance I'm saying you will live a more evident life as a blind man. But, as most of you need, the feeling of empowerment. Just imagine what is going on, without actually seeing it. Trust your senses. They know much more than you consciously know. Is anyone aware of what's really going on?

Your body certainly knows. But that's forgotten.

The Big Picture

Even though we can contemplate what is to be alive and to be in this world, can I really illustrate it vividly? By no means. That was what tormented me. No amount of words is going to describe what's living from my point of view. I'm the sole protagonist of my life. I can try describe it for you, but its not enough.

Its like forgetting what words are for.

My greatest fears and most sincere thoughts would be recited with these words about the world I live in and let me be clear, my individual existence. Life is not something we can tag as this general "thing". It's unique to each person on planet Earth. I can't write myself to death onto these pages of ones and zeros. What I can do is display the very essence of it and how I live it moment by moment because words are not enough. Pictures are not enough. Metaphors are not enough. Nothing will be enough. Is there anything sufficiently descriptive to show you my life and for you to take your time and be the judge of the unknown?

Then tell me why the hell am I writing this?

Yes, I've found binding thought for us to share and experience what I'm living right this moment. Is a thought. Just a thought.