Out Of Place

"What..." Bryan groaned as he realized that someone was laying on his bare chest. He had fallen asleep in the basement, which has been turned into his mancave. It took him a moment to realize who was snuggling on him. "Hey Jeff, I have to go to work. You gotta wake up buddy."

"Mm.. What the hell?"

"Yep, we had a good time last night." Bryan stood up and picked up the used condoms. He disappeared into the bathroom. After the toilet flushed he returned. "Thank you for that, we need to do it again."

"What about Maxine? She's going to be so mad. I-I-" Jeff ran his fingers through his hair as he searched for his clothes. "We'll never be allowed to hang out again."

"She doesn't care. In fact, my guess is that she'll thank you for not being the usual trashy woman I bring home."

As they made their way upstairs, Jeff braced himself for the inevitable fight. There was no way he could extract himself from it, even though he desperately wanted to.

Maxine sat at the kitchen table in a pink terrycloth robe. A cigarette dangled from her lips. With no sense of irony, "Oh look at my husband. Coming up with his skank de jour." She was startled to see that it was Jeff and not a random woman. "Most men try to hide their philandering ways but not my husband. No. He brings his whores home for me to see."

"To be fair, Jeff did and gave me things you aren't interested in doing. Why not wet my whistle?"

Maxine sighed and looked longingly at the bottle of vodka on the fridge."

****

"Maxi! I am so sorry I'm late." Sky turned her head down towards her swollen belly. "This kid better be really friggen cute, is all I'm saying."

"It's ok. I was just contemplating ordering a drink or 5. I really think that I need to divorce Bryan. He screwed his gay friend last night. I was right upstairs and he screws whoever and whatever he wants. I give up." Sky gave her the pity look. The waiter dropped off her tumbler of vodka, with a wink. If anyone asked she would claim that it was water. She took a sip. "What would you do?"

"Well honey, you landed a man and at your age it's not likely you'll get another one. I mean look at me. I'm 20 months pregnant and the baby daddy is nowhere to be seen. But if he's gay, I mean you can't do anything to change him. I know I've tried."

Maxine went to ask if the baby was proof of that, but decided against it. She smiled and stood up. "I'll be right back."

When she returned to the table, Sky gave her a disapproving look. "That's vodka, isn't it?"

Maxine didn't bother answering. She gulped down her drink, threw down cash and left. Her head and vision was clouded. But she brushed it off.

As she put her car in drive, Maxine kept telling herself that she should have just called an Uber instead of driving. Everything blurred for her once again, as she hit the brakes and slammed into something. Blackness enveloped her and she embraced it.

***

"She hasn't woken up yet. This is all my fault. I did this to her." Jeff paced the length of the hospital room.

"She does this every time I bring someone home. When I screwed her sister in our bed, while Maxi was asleep, she popped a dozen pills. She's used to my antics by now."

The door opened and closed, as Maxine struggled to regain consciousness. There was someone in the room with her but she couldn't locate or identify them.

A pillow covered her face. She couldn't breathe. With the last bit of energy, she had, she fought her assailant. Then succumbed to the blackness again.

When she came to, Bryan was sitting in the room with her. "Good morning, sleepy head. I'm glad you decided to wake up after all. I would be so lost without you."

"Yeah, so glad that you can't keep it in your pants. This time though your lover is trying to kill me. He tried to smother me with a pillow."

"Jeff? He couldn't have done that, he was in the bathroom with me." Bryan gave a lecherous smile. "I will vouch for him, and he didn't cause the accident either."

"Then who is trying to kill me?"

"The Doctors think it's you." Jeff said as he entered the hospital room. He kissed Bryan and looked over at Maxine. "They think you are trying to commit suicide."

"That is the dumbest thing, I have ever heard!" Sky came out of the small closet that was on the other side of the room. "I drugged her vodka, in the hopes of getting her carted off to jail. Then I tried to smother her because, well because I wanted to."

"Why would you do these things? It makes no sense." Bryan eyed the suddenly slim other woman.

"My God, you add gays to the story and people act like this hasn't been shown a million times on Lifetime." Sky brandished a gun.
"Maxi here was always going on about how you slept with other people. I was mad that you, Bryan, never made a move on me. I even faked a pregnancy to get your attention but that never worked either. So, I figured getting rid of her would."

"You're crazy!" Bryan and Jeff exclaimed.

"Yeah, pretty much. Now you all will be blown up because you are exhausting."

Bryan and Jeff tackled her, turning her over to the police. After what seemed like hours they released her, they couldn't find a bomb in the building.

She smiled as the building exploded behind her. Sure, her three tormentors might have survived but she free of them.

Sky fought the blackness and her eyes fluttered open. She wasn't done yet.