Me Back When

Russell 2

When I was growing up my mom worked so much, barely being home and barely sleeping. This caused me and my little brother to grow up on our own. I pretty much raised myself and my brother. As a kid you don't think that what you are use to is wrong or different, now I realize how different it could have been. I grew up without being affectionate. We never said we loved one another, we never hugged each other. It was just what I knew and I still don't like affection to this day.

A week before the last time I saw her, she called me, telling me, I needed to come home to take care of my animals. My step-brothers were abusive to my dog, and would kick him when he barked. He loved me and my mother, growing afraid of men. I had a bird in my room, and I knew they wouldn't go in my room to feed him. So I came home the next day. The next day I heard a car pull in the driveway. It surely didn't sound like my step-dad's camaro, so I ran to the garage door opening it. There was my mom! Excited to see her I wanted to run to her, but in my head I knew she needed rest.

I heard the shower water start and decided to lay in her room. I was sitting there, when she asked if I wanted to go to CVS with her. I jumped on the chance to actually spend time with my mom, so I of course said yes. The conversation soon took a drastic turn for the worse. She asked where I would go if something happened to her. I told her that it didn't matter because nothing was going to happen. Little did I know what I would be hearing three days later. I went downstairs to give her privacy, jumping up when she walked down the stairs. She was all dressed up, so I sat down just knowing we weren't going. She had decided to go out with my step-dad, him still having not been home this whole time. I assumed she was meeting him there and watched her leave.

I sat up, trying to occupy myself in my room, finally hearing her come home, alone. I stayed in my room until I heard her go upstairs, then came out into the living room. I sat there all night, waiting there for her to come back down. I checked on her once, my dog running in. She asked me to help her find the remote, so I did while grabbing my dog. We went to the door, me sending him downstairs, as I stood there waiting to see if she'd turn the TV on or tell me to close the door. All she did was lay there doing nothing, I grew tired of waiting and just left. I continued to stay awake, that is until it was 10 and I slowly fell in a deep sleep. I awoke to a horn at 10:37 and I collected my belongings and ran to the door, without saying goodbye.

The next day I had been helping my nana's neighbor work for a friend of hers. She really just wanted company, so I sat there, watching the birds. On the way home she got a call from my nana, I couldn't come home yet, so I went to her car and grabbed my stuff for a shower. I went back over to her neighbors house to shower and wait. When I got done, I was told I could return, gladly doing so. When I got my stuff I blindly thought I saw my moms best friend. I was basically skipping over until I saw all the people in the front yard. My nana, her neighbor and her son behind me, my nana's daughter and family, and my moms best friend. I ran over and hugged him trying to not act strange on why so many people were here. A moment after hugging him, he whispered in my ear that my mom had passed. I never said goodbye. That was all I could think as I collapsed in his arms.

This is possibly the biggest moment that has ever impacted me in any way. The death of a mother rings on your heart till your last breath. I will always remember this day. I proudly grew in strength from this situation, and I will forever reference back to it when needed.