If only

The way he spoke was odd.
The way he stared at me, filled me up with nothing but hatred.
The way he laughed bothered me.
The way he baps me on the head confused me.
The way he touched me angered me..
It was like he removed a pebble of my innocence,
and soon with age it crumbled.
Leaving me with nothing,
Nothing but the thought of painful words I'd like to say to him.
A fist in his face screaming "Do you know how you made me feel?"
As I could picture his skin going pale, sweat dripping from his chin.
But the anger inside me frightens me.
And if I ever saw him again..
I would cry,
I would cry and hide, run away if possible.
I wish I was smarter back then.
I wish I could have known the signs before that night.
But lucky for me..
Lucky for me I am still innocent in ways.
And there are these words that my friend said.
That I'll forever hold dear to my heart.
"You are still you... no matter what happened in the past.. you are still you."
No matter how ugly I feel..
I would think back to my friend telling me these words.
I would feel twice as beautiful again.
If only I could see that friend again..
If only I was smarter back then..
If only..