Everyday

Everyday it puzzles me, truly confuses me and really damages my mindset. Why do we live so much torture?
Everyday something or someone dies, damn, if we're lucky it will be someone we don't know. However that is not always the case, it's likely it will be one of our treasured loved ones who will suffer through illness and sadness. Our surroundings then close in around us at that point and we can barely breath anymore. Panic attacks arise and all you want is the joy of not feeling it anymore.
Everyday when things don't go in the direction of our satisfaction we think so deeply, it eats you away, and I assure you, no amount of alcohol or cigarettes will ever fill the infinite hole of which we are trapped in when we fall so low.
Everyday we view our surroundings to see the elderly as they can barely walk, stumbling with the medication they were denied for. After all they've been through and I've only scratched the surface and I already feel like this.
Every fucking day I think negative, because what is the God damn point of thinking positive and geting your heart ripped open which feels worse than a bullet to the head. It feels messier, and louder than the bullet itself.
Everyday when you reach the point of no return and you're about to jump off that hospital roof or put that revolver in your mouth, something stops you, and you desperately need to find out what that is.

Jord. W