How To Train Your Boss

It would be appropriate if we compare an employee in office with the boss roaming around to a beautiful girl stranded on Skull Island with a King Kong who would either eat her alive or enjoy her tap dance, except in the case of employee there would be no hero coming to rescue.

So, your typical workday starts with a sarcastic comment by Kong, followed by a long list of tasks enough for the entire week but to be completed within the business day. And then the game starts: you versus the boss. The boss keeps throwing fireballs at you which you keep dodging while completing the tasks. As you are about to complete the mission, the inevitable happens: your boss takes all the coins that you have collected and leaves with the princess. It is game over for you with no choice but to be more convinced that this is your stupid destiny, and that you have to survive on Skull Island one day at a time without complaining. Demotivated and depressed, you head back to repeat the same routine next day. However, if you could somehow get the boss like and enjoy your stupid yet cute moves just the way Ann Darrow lured King Kong into her love trap, you could use the monster to conquer your small corporate world. How? That is the million dollar question !

Needless to say, training your boss to suit your style could arguably be even more difficult than training your fire breathing dragon (if you had one). It is not impossible though. Here are a few effective tricks that have been learned and mastered working in different roles with monsters of different sizes and shapes:

1. You can’t fight the Kong, so make him comfortable by submitting early: Boss likes domination. He hates other bosses. So instead of being Godzilla and starting an early fight with Kong, be the calm and quiet Ann Darrow. Don’t get frustrated of continuous shouting and distorted facial expressions of your boss. This will earn you the trust of your boss as the ape won’t treat you as a threat. If continuous submissiveness to your stupid boss becomes unbearable, remember this to motivate yourself: It is Ann Darrow who gets the Kong killed in the end, and has the last laugh.

2. Know what your boss likes and dislikes: He won’t say it. You have to learn it the hard way. This is the most difficult part as it involves a lot of trial and error. Observe him closely, whether he prefers wearing a jacket to work or just a formal shirt, leaves sharp after working hours end or stays late. This will help you tune yourself to his likes. He’ll slowly and gradually start admiring you. Don’t wait for him to say it. His attitude will positively change, and you’ll know.

3. Grab attention of other monsters: Now that your boss likes you and has your back covered, you can innocently wander a bit on the island so that other monsters catch a glimpse of you. If they like you as their new toy(and not as food), they are going to be competition for your Kong. Your boss will definitely come running on all fours roaring and beating his chest to claim possession. You have got to play smart by not revealing which side you are on. Just act as innocent and stupid as you could, and let them fight for you. Whoever wins would be your new boss, and would know your value as well.

4. Start the final act: Now you are the hard won trophy of your boss, his champion, his baby. He would push his limits to keep you close and loyal. And this is the time when you start acting up. Start saying no, and start demanding politely. He would listen to you and support you. If he doesn’t, distort your face and do a couple of things he doesn’t like, and then he would definitely listen to you. You can now enjoy the fruits of you struggle in a decent manner. And please, never be a Kong like your boss. You are not the only one reading this article !!