Un-Dull Blade

Un-Dull Blade
You cant take back what you said. I cant even have a random thought without my soul breaking. Now your voice is added to all the rest from my life in my head that beat me down. Another weight of pain that I have to fight off. Another dagger that is sharp enough to make each day just shy of unbearable.
I surround myself with good things, good people, while inside Im trapped kicking, screaming, holding a knife to my skin to stop my existence, end all my pain. Thinking what would it take for God himself to snuff me out completely. Knowing Satan cant have me in his realm. Everyone Ive ever known abandons me. Wondering what an awful stench my soul carries.
Wanting to just stop this blackhole enveloping my heart, squeezing it just enough to almost cause it to stop beating...then the sadistic laughter of the universe ringing in my ears as it beats one more time. Knowing I'll be an annoyance, a burden to all creation another moment...followed by another.
The blade will never be sharp enough to make the voices stop. The cruel torture inside goes on and on. I am alone alone alone with the laughter of the undull blade.