The Curious Case of Pierre Tanner

The thing that most people do not know about me is that I truly loved Pierre. He was the light of my life. What people do know is that his death is what caused the rivalry with a certain Oscar Winning actress, who is ugly as sin but is the most talented lady on Earth. Barb Davidson, that woman made me envious and filled me with hate at the same time. That's why I did what I did, and that is why I had to make it right.

First let me tell you what happened. The events that led to do what I had to do. It's not easy to tell you because I do not come across as the good guy in the story, and that really upsets me. Sure, everyone loves a good villain but I don't know how good I was at being bad. In this case, I accomplished what I wanted and a little more. Barb was going to go to jail, unless I told the truth. Lord knows, I didn't want to tell the truth but I had to. As much as she deserved to learn why Orange is the new Black, it would haunt me to have an innocent woman in jail. Even one as vile and repugnant as Barb.

"It's so great to meet you, Jane. I look forward to working with you, everyone talks about what a pro you are. Even if you do sleep with the director." Barb curtsied, before spinning on her heel and sauntering away. How dare she accuse me of sleeping with my husband?

"Pay her no mind, mi amore. Barb is notoriously mean on the first day of a shoot, it's her way of asserting her dominance." Pierre Tanner, my husband, pulled me into his arms. The musky scent of his cologne wafted into my nose and put me at ease. "If she didn't bring in the awards, nobody would work with her."

"I've never won an Award. Nobody takes me seriously in this town."

"Ah but they keep hiring you, darling, and that's because you get butts in the seats. The audiences love you. The men lust you, and the women want to be you. That is far more important than winning any awards, and being praised by the hapless executives who really run the Academy." He kissed my forehead and left me there. He always just walked away from me.

I walked through the set, threw air kisses to crew member who I had worked with before, and settled in my dressing room. For me, the most important part of the film was getting to know the people that you were working with. Like, word around the lot was that Barb didn't like her bed to be too cold and it mattered not if the man was married. That was why I bullied my way on to this movie set. There was no way I was going to let that floozy near my man.

For the life of me, I can't explain why I thought about going to Barb's dressing room but I did. It seemed to be a little too quiet, so I opened the door. There Pierre was pumping Barb like he was an old-fashioned gas station.

Quietly, I closed the door. I slumped against the wall and let the tears that were stinging my eyes fall. How could Pierre do this to me? After a moment of self-pity, I decided that action must be taken. How would I get back at them? A plot began to form in my mind, one that would destroy the bitches career and teach Pierre what cheating on me meant.

A plan began to form. Through the set I walked, making sure I said goodbye to everyone on the crew. They were packing up for the day, so everyone was in a cheerful mood. I dropped my car off at home and took a taxi to a restaurant near the studio.

The Maitre D' smiled and led me to my normal table. One of the perks of being a star is that you have regular tables and no one questions you. After I was left alone, I pulled on my white dress gloves, and took the knife out of the napkin and dropped it in my purse.

I slipped out of the restaurant unnoticed, and made my way back to the studio. Most everyone was gone, but I knew that Pierre and Barb would still be there. How did I know this? My husband thought he was Don Juan, and that he could screw like a rabbit. The truth was it was more like a fish out of water.

Once I got to her dressing room, I opened the door. She was in the shower and Pierre was snoring on her couch. The knife plunged into his chest with ease. His eyes opened wide, and then shut again. A surge of excitement went through my body, could it be that I liked killing people? I let out a scream.

Barb ran out of the bathroom, nothing on. She looked terrified when she saw me, and then looked over at Pierre. Her eyes opened wide and her mouth formed an O. "Well it looks like you stuck my husband after he stuck it to you."

"No. No. I didn't. I--"

While she was stuttering, I marched over to the phone and called the police. "Yes, I need ambulance and police. Barb Davidson has stabbed my husband, Pierre Tanner. Yes, this is Jane Collins. Thank you."

Everything else from the night was a blur. Medics took Pierre out on a stretcher and declared him dead. Barb was handcuffed and put in the back of a squad car.

The police officer in the courthouse stopped me. "Ma'am you cannot go into the courtroom, it is closed."

"Do you know who I am? It is my husband's killer on trial. If I want to be in that room, nobody, and I mean nobody will stop me." He grabbed my shoulder and held me in place. "Take your hands off me, or I will see to it that you are buried under a mountain of paperwork so big that your grandchildren won't see the light of day."

He seemed to give up, and I pulled the doors open dramatically. The foreman of the Jury was reading off a piece of paper. "We the Jury find Barbra Ann Davidson...."

"Stop. I have something to say. Something that will change the outcome of this trial." I walked through the courtroom, all eyes on me.

"This is highly unusual, Ms. Collins." The Judge seethed.

"This is Hollywood, what is usual?"

"Say what you want to say and then let us get back to the business at hand."

"Your Honor, Barb did not kill my husband, Pierre Tanner. I did. I caught them having sex and frankly I lost my mind. I vowed revenge and I got exactly what I wanted."

After she was bailed out of jail, nobody wanted to talk to Barb. Everyone was busy or had engagements. Party invitations were rescinded. The second phase of my plan was initiated.

In the middle of the night, I would knock on her door. Then I would play snippets of dialogue that she and Pierre had said in movies. It was easy to string it together and have it make sense. After a few nights, she stopped combing her hair and caring about her appearance altogether.

One day, I went to visit her. It was going to look like a goodwill mission for me, and to make her look even worse. When she answered the door, there were curlers knotted in her hair and brown stains dotting her clothes. "What do you want? Come to rub it in that I'm crazy? You can say I killed Pierre all you want, but I didn't. Everyone knows that I didn't."

"Barbie, Honey. Look at yourself. You look like a hot mess. I came to see how you were doing. People are talking about you. Are you ok?"

She invited me in, and went upstairs. I had it rigged with one of her former employees that when she went upstairs to change, a video of her plunging a knife into someone, would be playing. It was a scene from one of her movies. With any luck, she wouldn't recognize it. She hadn't recognized the dialogue, so there was a chance that she would have forgotten the movie too.

As I wandered around the house, I helped myself to some brandy. The house had not been cleaned for weeks. Mail piled on the table, and spilled onto the chairs. A vague stench wafted through the house, but I couldn't put my finger on what it was.

"Barb, Barb. Are you ok?" I climbed the stairs. Her bedroom door was ajar, and I could see her leg. I pushed the door open and found her laying on the floor in a ball. Tears fell from her scared eyes. "What's wrong?"

"I killed Pierre. There's evidence of it. I did it."

"Gaslighting her was not my proudest moment, Your Honor. But I had to teach her a lesson. She slept with my husband. Destroyed my world. The only vengeance was to do the same to her."

"Why are you confessing now? You had more than 2 years to step forward and say what really happened. Yet you waited until just before the verdict is read, when I cannot declare a mistrial to say something."

"Well that's because I never had any intention of letting go of my anger towards her."

"Jane, what is holding onto this resentment towards Barb getting you? Even if she is found not guilty, she has no friends and no career to speak of. You have gone out of your way to destroy another human being. It's time to let go of the anger. All you are doing at this point is destroying yourself."

"She slept with my husband. She took everything from me. How can I forget that?"

"You have to find a way. Or this will kill you before any medical ailment does."

"I am going to dismiss court for the day. Jury, please reconvene tomorrow at the same time. This is a highly unusual situation, but both Ms. Collins and Ms. Davidson should be in custody."

The cold clamp of handcuffs on my wrist made me anxious. They fingerprinted me, took my mugshot. Then they led me to the cell where I was expected to stay the night. Barb was in it.

"You destroyed me. You took everything from me. Friends, my career, money. I have nothing left because of you." The look in Barb's eyes was a mix of crazy anger and deep sadness. "Why did you do this to me?"

"You seem to have forgotten that you did this to yourself. Stop blaming everyone else for your actions. If you hadn't slept with my husband, none of this would have happened. I didn't like you, no married woman in this town did. But you wouldn't have lost everything. You took so much more from me, than I did from you. Pierre was my last chance at happiness, my final chance at security. You robbed me of that."

"All of you pretty girls say the same thing. Guess what? I worked hard to maintain my stature in the community, yes, I made mistakes. Plenty of them. I knew better but no man wants to marry a lady like me. I had to find love and comfort where I could get it. Something you wouldn't understand."

I was released by order of the Judge. My testimony could have no bearing on the trial because it came too late, though Prosecutors tried to charge me with Obstruction of Justice. Nothing ever came of it.

Barb was found guilty, every one of her appeals denied.

I went to bed knowing I did the right thing.