Cursed With Unawareness

         I was cursed to be awake by my own brain racking my mind for things to think about. My eyes stared into the darkness of my bedroom and the cold air from my creaky ceiling fan kissed my skin. I knew it was going to be one of those nights. One of those cold nights where you lay in bed and just think, unable to fall asleep no matter what type of music or book you read, you're temporarily stuck in your own mind. But as I began my endeavor on deep thoughts contemplating the meaning of my existence, I discovered something that disturbs me on a much deeper level.
          I thought about the fact that I will never be able to see myself the way others see me, whether it be my personality or my appearance. I will never be able to see my face light up when I've accomplished something, or see the glassy look in my eyes when I discover something horrible. I would never be able to see the faint freckles high on my cheekbones in the golden sunlight or the glow my brown eyes give off when introduced to the gorgeous sunsets. I won't even be able to hear my own voice the way other do or my obnoxious laugh I get when laughing at my own jokes. I will never be able to see the light that sneaks through my windows in the morning kiss my cheeks or how it allows my eyelashes to casts a light shadow upon my cheeks. The habits that I have subconsciously become addicted to will remain a mystery to me. I won't ever know if I snore in my sleep or if my face looks like how I imagine it does when no reflection is nearby.
         I want to be able to see myself the way others see me, I want to understand why others judge me the way they do. I want to know why he describes me as if the words beautiful and pure are sewn into my skin. I want to be able to understand for myself that I am more than I see.