Lost part 7

XIII

It was late the following morning before everyone in the Lightwood residence was up. Jace had woken early at first, checking on Clary who was still asleep next to him. He'd send Luke a message to let him know everything was alright and that Clary was still sleeping. And apparently he had dozed off again because he woke, almost two hours later, looking straight into Clary's bright green eyes.
“Hey there,” she said.
“You're awake." Jace said, rubbing sleep from his eyes.
“I just woke up, yes.”
“And you were watching me sleep?”
She smiled at him, a blush creeping her cheeks.
“Sorry.” she mumbled and looked down at her hands.
Jace noticed they were scratched and bruised. He covered them with his own, stroking the back with his thumb.
“Don't be.” he said, and lifted her chin so she would look at him again.
“I don't mind you looking at me.”
She smiled again, albeit shyly.
“Let's get you some breakfast, shall we?” Jace said as he got up from the bed.
“Luke came by last night, he asked me to make sure you went home today. He was so worried, and your mom too.”
Clary shied away, pulling the covers up to her chest.
“They're going to be so mad at me.” she whispered, and there we a terrified note in her voice.
“No, I'm sure they won't. Luke didn't seem mad at all last night.”
“No Jace, no, I don't want to go home. They'll be really mad at me! And they have every right to be too.” Her voice faded away and a tear leaked from her eye.
“Clary!” Jace said urgently. “Clary, look at me.” He put both his hands on the side of her face and lifted it so she had to look him in the eyes.
“Clary, listen to me. You have no blame in this. What happened was not your fault!”
“But it was. I should have fraught harder, should have called out. Instead I froze, my brain wet blank. I let this happen, Jace! This is my fault!”
“Clary please, please stop this! The only one who made a mistake here was David. He crossed a line, God he crossed so many lines I can't even believe it. But none of this has got anything to do with you! Please, you have to believe me!”
Clary was crying by now, big fat tears rolling down her cheeks, her whole body shaking with sobs.
“Are you really this scared to go home?” Jace asked softly. “Is that why you wouldn't tell them about what happened in the alley?”
She nodded and he pulled her close, embracing her and whispering little nothings in her ear.
When her sobs had subsided he said: “Would you like me to come with you? Would that make you feel better, less alone?”
“Would you do that?” Clary asked, looking up at Jace by herself for the first time.
“Of course I would, if that would help you.” He replied. “I have an appointment at seven tonight, but other than that I’m free. If I can put my bike in your car, it shouldn’t be a problem.”
“That would be great, really.”
“Let’s get ready then. You go shower, I’ll make you breakfast.”
“Ok, see you in a bit.”


When Jace entered the kitchen he found Alec, Magnus and Isabelle already seated at the table.
“How is she?” Isabelle asked, worry coloring her voice.
“She’s alright, all things considered. She’s scared to go home, afraid of what her parents will say.” Jace answered while preparing breakfast.
“Will you go with her?” Alec asked.
“Yes, I promised I’d go with her if she wanted me to. The support might do her good, although I know Luke and Jocelyn won’t be mad at her. And if they are I’ll be there to defend her and tell them what happened. It’s not like she went willingly, that much is obvious.”
“True, I’m glad you’re going. She shouldn’t be alone now.” Alec replied.

It was about an hour later that Clary and Jace were sitting in the living room, Clary sitting close to Jace, holding his hand. Luke and Jocelyn were sitting on the opposite site of the coffee table, looking concerned.
“Clary, sweetheart, we’re not mad at you, not at all.” Her mother said, some disbelief creeping into her voice. “Why would you think that?”
“Because I feel like it is my fault, that I am to blame.” Clary whispered.
Luke and Jocelyn looked incredulous at their daughter.
“How can you think that?” Luke asked softly, coming over to sit next to Clary.
“Because it feels like that. And no matter how often people say to me that it isn’t true, somehow I feel like I made a mistake, that I should have done something differently.”
“You couldn’t have done anything, Clary.” Jace said, putting his arm around her. “He is so much stronger than you were, and to be honest, if you had resisted, he probably would have gotten violent. I know him a bit, and I have seen what those people can be like when they are thwarted or don’t get what they want. He would have hurt you, badly, if you hadn’t gone along with him. To be honest, I don’t even know if I would have been able to stop him myself if Alec and Magnus hadn’t been there to help. Please, don’t blame yourself. I know it’ll take time before you can accept it, but try at least. Tell it to yourself every day, and I will tell you every time you need to hear it. And so will your mom and dad, I know they will.”
“Thank you.” Clary said, and she put her head on his shoulder, relaxing a little.


The rest of the afternoon was spent outside, on the large swing that Luke had bought just a short while ago. It fit both Clary and Jace perfectly. They didn't talk much, just sat together, enjoying each other's company.
As six o'clock came nearer though, Jace became fidgety and restless.
“Jace? What's wrong?” Clary asked, lifting her head from his lap and looking at him.
“Nothing.” He said, and burned his hands in his shirt, trying to keep them still.
“You've become nervous over the past fifteen minutes. I can feel you're not comfortable, something is bothering you. What is it?”
Clary sat up straight next to him now, taking his hands into hers, looking him in the eyes.
“I’m fine, really, I just have to get going.” Jace said, not really looking at her.
“I don't want leave you here. You know, after everything that has happened I feel like should be able to stay.”
“Don't worry about me, silly. I'll be just fine. Luke and met mom are here if I need anything. And besides, if you want to, you could come back here afterwards. Even if it gets late, just send a text and I'll come to open the door.”
“Maybe.” Jace said. “If I feel up to it I'll give you a call. Now I really have to go, or I'll be late. Don't want that…” his voice trailed off, not finishing his sentence.
“Even if you don't come back here, give me a call when you get back home, ok?”
“I will.” Jace promised, and placed a butterfly kiss on the top of her head as he stood up.

Clary looked after Jace, a worried look in her eyes. Something was off, this wasn't like him and she wondered what the appointment was, that it had him so rattled. She heard his bike leave the gravel path next to the house and, after a moment's indecision, got up and took her car keys.
“Mom, Luke, I just noticed I forgot something at Izzy’s this morning. I'm going to pick it up, alright?”
“Sure, just be safe, take your phone with you and don't stay out too long. I'd like you to be home tonight.” Her mother replied.
“Promise.” Clary said, and after giving her mother a quick kiss on the cheek hurried out the door.
Getting in the truck she tried to see where Jace had taken off to. Left, if the red gravel tire tracks told her anything. She drove off slowly, looking around for a sign of him.
It took her only a few minutes to find him, biking along the road.
Clary slowed the car and kept a careful distance so Jace wouldn't notice her following him.

After about ten minutes Jace slowed down, went up the sidewalk and dropped his bike in front of a big manor house. He pushed the ge open and walked up to the door, where he stood for a moment, flexing his hands, before pushing the doorbell.
Clary sat watching from her car, a few houses up the road, how the door opened, light flooding the path that lead up to the house and highlighting Jace’s profile. It was a rather tall man who held the door open. A second later Jace had entered the house and the door closed with an audible snap.

Clary started the car again and drove slowly passed the house. The number 147 was clearly visible in brass lettering above the door.
Deciding there was nothing more for her to do than wait, she turned the car around and drove back home. The entire ride was spent wondering what was going on, what the appointment was, who it was with, and, most importantly, why Jace e he'd been so out of sorts before going. He had told her it we just because he didn't want to leave her alone, and Clary was sure that part of that was indeed true. But that hadn't been the real reason for his nervousness.

Once Clary got home she announced that she would make it an early night. Saying goodnight to her mother and Luke she went up, took a shower and crawled into bed, once again hugging Jace's sweater for comfort. She was tired, but her worries for Jace kept her wide awake. She couldn't find anything to do, couldn't keep her mind to the book she was reading and eventually ended up, sitting on her bed with her sketch pad on her lap. She drew Jace, from memory, like she had seen him for the very first time, sitting at his desk in their math classroom.
Clary had been so concentrated on her drawing that she nearly send all her stuff flying when the buzzing of her phone brought her back to reality.
She grabbed for it and seeing the caller ID quickly answered.
“Jace?”
“It's me.” came Jace's voice through the phone. He sounded tired and beat down.
“Are you alright?” Clary asked.
“I'll be fine.” Came the evasive answer. “ Can I come over?”
“Of course you can. I told mom that you might come back, so they're expecting you.”
“Thanks, I'll be there in a bit.” Jace said, and disconnected the line.
Clary lay still in bed, replaying the conversation in her head. The sound of Jace's voice wouldn't leave her, the broken sound, the sound of defeat.
She must have dozed off, because a soft knock on her door startled her.
“Come in.” she said sleepily as she looked up. It was Jace, and the sight of him woke Clary up immediately. She jumped out of bed and ran over to him.
“Jace!” she said when she reached him.
“Oh Jace... again?”
He nodded, blonde hair whipping around his head, his blue-brown eyes sad and tired. “Come on, sit down. Do you need anything?”
“No, I'll be fine. I already went home to shower. I wasn't sure I was coming over, but I didn't want to be alone after all. I’m sorry I woke you though.”
“Don’t be, really, I told you to come back and I don’t mind you waking me.” Clary said as they both sat down on the bed. Jace moved with difficulty she noticed and her heart broke for him.
“You want to talk about it?” she asked softly.
“No,” he sighed. “I think I best try to sleep, I’m beat.”
Literally, Clary thought, but she didn’t say anything. Instead she pulled the bedcovers back for Jace to lay down and scooted in next to him.
To her surprise Jace turned his back to her and curled in on himself. Unsure how to react to this Clary just stayed still, flat on her back, staring up at the ceiling.
Time passed, and she could feel the mood in the room changing. The tension lessened somewhat and then she noticed that Jace was crying, softly, clearly unwilling to let her hear him. But she did hear him and rolling over to his side of the bed, she curled her small form around his bigger one, put her arm over his chest and held him.
His cries became a little louder, not restraining himself as he had before, but he still didn’t turn to face her. A moment later though, she felt him grab her hand and hold it firmly.
Slowly his sobs subsided and eventually they ebbed away, to be replaced by the deep, slow breaths of sleep.
Jace had, quite literally, cried himself to sleep. Thinking about how often he must have some this before, even as a child, with no one there to hug him or hold his hand, made Clary's stomach clench. It was sickening, to think that for so many years he had never dared to confide in anyone. And again she wondered who could instill this kind of fear into someone, that they would keep quiet about such abuse for so long.
Deciding that she would, somehow, figure out this mystery, Clary decided to talk to Luke about it at some point. She didn't want to invade Jace’s privacy, but she couldn't just stand by and do nothing when she knew her friend was being hurt by someone.


XIV

As the holiday came in full swing, the Lightwood house was becoming livelier by the day. Friends stayed over, Magnus just about lived there by now, despite the grumblings of Maryse and Robert, and in a few days Simon would arrive to stay a few weeks while his parents were working.
Since both Luke and Jocelyn were working most of the time too, Clary decided to spend most of her time over at Jace and Isabelle too. It would be fun, hanging out with all of her friends.
“Clary!” Izzy’s voice came from the kitchen as Clary entered the house, laden with a heavy bag full of clothes.
“Coming, hang on a minute.” Clary called back, as she dropped the bag in the hallway next to the stairs.
She saw Alec coming down and waved.
“Need help?” He asked, pointing at the bag.
“It needs to get upstairs, I’ll do it later though.”
“Nah, don’t bother, I’ll bring it up for you. Jace’s room?”
“That would be great, thanks!”
“Oh that reminds me, Jace was still sleeping earlier. I’ll put it at the door.”
“Good, thanks again.” Clary said, giving Alec a quick hug and hurrying to the kitchen to see Isabelle.
“Hi there!” Greeted Isabelle, waving to her with a spatula in her hand.”
“Hi! What are you cooking?” Clary asked, sniffing the air curiously.
“Pancakes, for lunch!” Izzy replied cheerfully.
“It’s Jace’s favourite, thought he’d be happy with it when he woke up. He was up most night, I heard him walking around. Glad he’s asleep now though.”
“Again?” Clary sighed, filling a glass of water at the sink. “Why didn’t he call me though? I would have come over. Been up myself most of the night too.”
“Maybe you should have called then.” Izzy grinned. “What is it with the two of you anyway? Are you dating Jace now?”
“No!” Clary gasped around a gulp of water. “No, we’re not dating.”
“No, you just sleep together, that’s all.” Isabelle joked.
“Yes, we do sleep together, simply because we both sleep better when the other one is around.”
“Then why not go the extra step and just start dating?”
“I don’t know, we never really discussed it, you know.”
“You guys are strange.” Isabelle said, rolling her eyes at Clary.
“I hope you’re not talking about me.” Came a voice from behind them, and both Clary and Isabelle jumped.
“Jace!” Isabelle said scornfully. “Don’t sneak up on people like that!”
“Sorry sis.” He said playfully and gave her a hug.
“Hey.” He turned to Clary and gave her a kiss. “How’re you?”
“I’m alright.” Clary replied. “How about you? Izzy told me you were awake a lot last night.”
“Yeah, couldn’t sleep, but I’m ok now. Fell asleep around four I think.”
“Good you got some sleep after all.”
Clary’s phone rang and she grabbed it off the table.
“Hey Simon!”
“Clary! Hi! You're not busy are you?”
“No, not at all. I just arrived at Izzy’s. How are you? Do you know when you'll be here?”
“Yeah, that's why so called. I'll be arriving at four pm tomorrow. Could someone pick me up?”
By now Isabelle was standing on tiptoe to hear what Simon was saying, obviously excited that he was coming.
“I guess so. Hang on.” Clary said, and pulled the phone away from her face.
“Izzy, can you pick up Simon at the airport tomorrow at four? You can use my car if you want to.”
“Of course!” Isabelle replied, a huge grin spreading across her face.
“Izzy will pick you up Simon.” Clary said, back at the phone.
“Awesome!” Simon said. “I'll see you guys tomorrow then! Got to go now, have to finish some last minute packing. Talk soon!”
And withe that the phone disconnected.
“Happy?” Clary asked Isabelle as she turned to the mountain of pancakes on the counter.
“Yes,” Izzy smiled, “very happy. It's been too long since I saw Simon. I've missed him.”
“I'm sure you have. I'm glad to see that you two survived the time apart.”
“Me too.” she said and put the food on the table.
“Mhhh, pancakes!” Jace said happily. “Thanks Izzy.”
He fell on the pile like a ravenous bear.
“Hungry much?” Clary chuckled as she turned to the door. Jace just nodded, Not taking his eyes off his plate.
“Alec! Magnus! Food is ready!” Clary called through the hallway.
“Coming!” Came Magnus’s muffled voice from upstairs.
She snickered a little and took a seat at the kitchen table.

A few minutes later Magnus walked into the kitchen, combing through his hair with his hands, trying to make it behave.
He was followed by Alec, who was surreptitiously trying to straighten his shirt.
Jace looked up, his eyebrows shooting up, and he quickly looked away. His eyes met Clary's and both of them hid behind they cups of coffee, trying very hard not turned burst out laughing.
Despite the fact that Alex had come clean to his family about him dating Magnus, it was obvious that neither of them was particularly inclined to actually let them know exactly what they were doing.
Only problem was that they weren't all that good in hiding the evidence, which made for rather hilarious situation from time to time.
“Guys,” Jace said, unable to resist the temptation of hounding his older brother. “If you want to fondle each other and not have us know about it, pass by a mirror before you come downstairs next time.”
Magnus just looked down at Jace, but Alec turned a shade of bright brilliant red and nearly choked on his first bite of pancake.
Izzy snorted and both Clary and Jace burst out laughing.



“Jace? What are you thinking about?”
Clary and Jace were outside in the garden, enjoying the afternoon sun. Isabelle had left shortly before to go pick up Simon from the airport, so everything was nice and quiet for a while.
Jace sat with his back against a willow tree and Clary was lying with her head in his lap.
“Nothing in particular.” Jace replied, looking down to meet the bright green eyes that were staring up at him.
“You seemed to be miles away.”
“I was thinking about my mom. How we used to sit out in the garden, a blanket on the grass, and her reading stories to me. And we always had homemade lemonade and biscuits with us.There just never seemed to be anything to be worried about. Dad wasn’t home that often, but when he was, we would make a treehouse or go out hiking…” His voice trailed off a bit and Clary put her hand on his, squeezing it a little.
“I often wonder how my life would have been if my father hadn’t died, or my mother hadn’t disappeared. When at least one of them would have been around. I miss them Clary. They weren’t there at the graduation, they will never know that I’m going to college, going to law school, hopefully graduating there. They won’t be there if I ever get married or have children.”
He laid his head back against the tree and closed his eyes.
“I’m sorry, Jace.” Clary said, and she sat up, putting her arm around his shoulders.
“Thanks. I know I can’t really complain. I was taken in by a wonderful family, they never mistreated me and I have always been one of them. But it doesn’t really take away the pain.”
“Of course it doesn’t. They were your parents, Jace. I think it’s only normal for you to miss them, and to wish they were here with you now. A lot is going on, and no matter how hard you try to deny it, to look tough and keep going, you are hurting, badly. And I think that’s the main reason why it’s so hard on you now, isn’t it?”
“Probably, yes.”
“Still can’t talk about it?” Clary tried, tentatively.
“No, not yet.” came the answer she had expected.
Clary closed her eyes, not out of desperation, but rather to keep Jace from seeing the hurt she felt for him in them.
“Are you alright?” Jace asked, stroking her hair. “You were restless last night.”
“I had a nightmare, I'm sorry I woke you though.”
“You didn't, I noticed because I had been lying awake for a while already. Was it the same nightmare?”
“Yes, the same as before. The one where you don't get to me in time. But it's alright,you did get there in time after all, didn't you? That's what matters. Sadly my brain doesn't seem to agree and thinks it's a good idea to feed me horror ideas of what might have happened instead.” Clary sighed.
“I know, and I'm sorry for it. It'll get better though.”
“Don't be sorry, it isn't your fault, Jace. And yes, I do hope it'll get better in time. Did it, for you?”
“Did it what?” Jace asked.
“Get better, the nightmares and stuff.”
“Some things got better, yes. Maybe not all of them, but a lot did. And if it gets too bad, I read, or play the piano.”
“I didn't know you played!” Clary exclaimed. “I never thought to ask who used that piano in the living room. Would you play something for me?”
“Sure, if you want me to.” He smiled at her, a bright, warm and loving smile that made his eyes sparkle and his face shine.
“I would love to see, and hear, you play. Who taught you?”
“My father first. After he died my mother let me take lessons at a friend. Now I just do it on my own.”
He got up and took her by the hand. Together they walked into the living room where Jace took a seat on the piano bench and opened the lid.
The black and white keys shone in the sunlight that filtered through the window. Clary settled herself in the armchair, facing the piano. She saw how Jace flexed his fingers, and suddenly the room was filled with music. In awe she looked at the boy, young man really, as his fingers moved effortlessly over the keys, making the nose beautiful sound she had heard in a long time.
When Jace stopped, Clary just sat and stared at him.
They were both brought out of their reverie by applause that came from the door.
“That was an amazing performance!” said Simon. He and Isabelle had apparently come back home and neither Clary nor Jace had noticed, their attention captured by the music.
Jace smiled, genuinely, but a little embarrassed.
“I’m ok, but I’m not particularly good or anything.” He said modestly.
“Yes you are.” Isabelle said. “You just don’t want to admit it. I’m happy to hear you play though, it’s been a while.”
“I know, haven’t had a lot of energy or inspiration to play lately. Clary asked me to play, so I did her a favour.”
“Thank you for that.” Clary said smiling. “It was wonderful.”
Jace looked back at her, his eyes filled with sunshine, happiness and something else Clary couldn’t quite pinpoint.

Shortly after that, Alec and Magnus came home too, and Clary ducked into the kitchen together with Isabelle to get dinner ready.
There was a happy hubbub going on in the garden with all their friends being back together. Simon had a whole lot to tell them about life at home. He came from a busy household having two brothers and three sisters. So there were always stories to tell, like how his younger sister Becky had had her first boyfriend, who had cheated on her and whose nose Simon had nearly broken in the ensuing fight. Or how Aaron, his older brother, had gotten a full scholarship to one of the most prestigious universities through his amazing football career.
The latest news however was that his eldest sister, Hannah, was pregnant with her first baby. It was wonderful news, since the couple had been trying for a while now without success.
Dinner that night was chicken enchiladas. The boys had pulled the large table from the garden shed to the terras and they had all sat around it till late at night.

It was around eleven when Jace’s phone buzzers on the table. He took it to read the message and Clary felt him stiffen next to her. Just a little bit, almost imperceptible,but she felt it nonetheless. Shortly after that he announced he was tired and wanted to go to bed. Clary got up too, holding his hand, and bade everyone good night.
When they arrived in the bedroom Clary took hold of Jace’s elbow and turned him over so he was looking at her.
“Jace,” she said softly, “What was that message about?”
“Nothing, why?”
“Because you tended all over when.you read it, and you left straight after that. Something is bothering you about it. Tell me, please?”
“No, really, it's alright. I'll just have to go out for a few hours tomorrow. That's all, I promise.”
He looked at Clary, his blue-brown eyes pleading with her to understand.
Clary sighed and pulled him closer to her.
“One day, I'll be able to help you.” She said, and hugged him tightly.


Jace sat on the side of his bed. It was nearly time to leave, he knew, but he seemed unable to act upon that knowledge. Coming late wasn't a good idea he knew, but he wondered if it truly mattered. After what had happened last time, well, it couldn't be worse than that, could it?
Clary was out with Simon and Isabelle. Jace had suggested that eyes visit the city, since it were sales and Isabelle had been dying to take Clary shopping for ages.
As he had expected Isabelle had grabbed hold if the idea and had simply forced Clary and Simon along with her.
Jace had known that, if Clary had still been at the house she would have tried to stop him from leaving, and he would have gone all with it, only to pay for it later.
So he had made sure she wasn't around now, no matter how much he missed her.

When he arrived at the manor house the door was unlocked. He pushed it open and went upstairs to the library.
Valentine was waiting for him, which in itself was rather unusual. He normally came in only after Jace had seated himself at the desk.
“Sit.” He said, gesturing to the chair.
Jace did as he was told, his stomach knotting with trepidation.
As usual, Valentine unbuttoned his shirt, throwing it carelessly aside.
“You know, Jace. I wonder if you have forgotten one of the first rules I ever laid out for you.” Valentine spoke, his voice soft, but crystal clear in Jace’s ear.
Jace frowned, wondering what he was talking about.
“I told you, didn't I, that you were never to tell anyone about us, about what happens inside these walls. Never should anyone get worried or suspicious of your appointments with me.”
Valentine's fingers were digging deep and painfully in Jace’s shoulders.
“And I wonder, if somehow, you might have forgotten about that.”
Before Jace could brace himself, the fingers left his shoulders and the sound of a belt cracked through the air, landing heavily and excruciatingly on his back.


On his way home, Jace texted Clary, telling her he'd be home in about an hour.
The actual walk home would only take him about fifteen minutes, but it would give him time to shower and take care of himself before she arrived.
He suspected she was still down town with Simon and Izzy, so that ought to be fine.

However, Jace had only just finished his shower when he heard footsteps on the landing in front of his door, footsteps he would recognise anywhere. He hastily grabbed for his shirt wanting to pull it over his head before the door would open, but he was hopelessly too late.

The door swung inwards and there stood Clary, her hair disheveled as though she had been running.
“Hi Jace!” she said, and then she froze.