6 years ago

I looked in the mirror today for the first time in awhile

Really looked and I saw what I always see, my flaws and my flaws only

I realized today that I am the reason my life isn’t working out like I planned

I am my biggest obstacle. I cannot get ahead while I always looking behind

Looking back to when I was broken and couldn’t seem to get back on my feet

But then I did, by myself, I got over the hurt and made myself strong again



I now don’t let anyone close enough to hurt me

I am not too proud to say I am afraid of letting anyone in again

And I know that isn’t right, I need people in my life

I became so strong that I forgot about being a whole person and just ended up being a solider

Putting up walls and barricades around my head and my heart

Not wanting to deal with any drama. I don’t want to anymore. I am not naïve I know life isn’t easy but I just need some peace and quiet for awhile



I can honestly say that I do not love myself like I should

I looked to love someone else instead of myself for a very long time

Each person worse than the next which only set me back more because of how worthless they made me feel

How does one love someone else without loving themselves? They don’t, well not the right way

I would lose myself in these people because I had no want or need to find out who I really was before getting in a relationship

These people knew I was like a lost puppy and used it to their advantage. Giving me just enough love to keep me around for their amusement



Fast forward 6 years and I have made some remarkable steps forward in my life

I don’t have everything figured out but I do have one thing cemented in my heart and mind now

I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am enough and I am more.

Beautiful by my standards, not societies, beautiful by my imperfections

I am worthy of love, respect, loyalty and honesty. Not just from other people but myself as well.

And I am enough for everyone and everything I do.

I am more than just a body that is sexualized by everyone.

I am more than just a pretty face. I have a pretty mind. That has real thoughts and opinions.