Serene

I was the first one to touch you when you made your way into this world. You were so small, barely big enough for both hands to hold you. You felt so fragile and for the first time in my life I felt true fear. As I looked at you in wonder I finally cared about something more than myself. When I handed you to your mother I felt a primal sense of pride. There you were, a symbol of my virility, a symbol of my worthiness, a symbol of hope.

That night I held you, rocking you back and forth while your mother slept and recovered from the struggle of bringing you into this world.

My heart swelled with feelings I did not know existed. I spoke to you and told you many things and you listened. You looked up at me with your eyes, your beautiful soul showing even then. I could feel the strength inside you and I knew I had helped create something unique and special.

As I spoke with you and rocked you back and forth a realization came to me. I knew that no matter how much I wanted otherwise, that some day you would fall and that I would not be there to pick you back up. I made myself a promise that night, and it's one I have kept.

I promised that I would not throw you to the wolves the way I had been. I promised that while I couldn't stop you from falling, that when you did you would know how to pick yourself up again. I have kept that promise.

Your a young woman now. Strong and self reliant. I don't know any other young women who take life as seriously as you do. You are capable of surviving on your own. I know if you fall, you will pick yourself up again. I know that you will fight through the pain of this life because you have already done so more times than is fair. While I know these things, the fear is still there.

Every time I watch you walking to school I feel it. That sense of fear. Will this be a day that you fall? Will this be the day you can't get yourself up?

I want to run to you and tell you to come back home. Stay with me where I can keep you safe. I will keep the wolves at bay because I know they fear me. However, I know that life does not work that way. I won't always be here to keep the wolves from the door. I knew this truth that night I held you, but now I know it even more.

Yet, when I finally go to sleep to never wake again. I can rest easy because I know the wolves will fear you too.