A Century

Today, 10th September, happens to be my one hundredth birthday. Now, a hundred years ago, when I was born, getting to be this age was quite an achievement, it was. Not anymore. I know sixty year olds who are quite sprightly, they'll probably live another sixty years easy-peasy. (Does anyone say easy-peasy anymore?)

The thing is, it's not the amount of life that counts, but the quality. And yes, I've lived to be a hundred years old, but sorry to sound cynical, it's not blood running around in my veins but chemicals. I take a pink pill for my iorta, an orange pill for my ventricles, a yellow pill for my pancreas, a green pill for my liver and a purple pill to cancel the acidity caused by the other ones. I also have a lot of fake parts in me. In fact, ask me what's real. My nose hairs, that's what. Almost all the rest of me is fake.

My kids and grand kids and great grankids (I think I had twelve of those at last count) would've been here to celebrate with me, except that they're taking their annual lunar vacation and I'm not allowed to wear space suits any more, so I can't go.

Why?

Well, use your brains, man, if you have any. You know what stomach gas does to a space suit when it comes out the wrong end? Need i say more?

Okay, okay, now you're disgusted.

I'll move on to other things. So, my family is on the moon. They called to say Happy Birthday but the connection was tenuous so I could only speak to five of them before we got cut off. I'm okay being here by myself, actually. Me and my old dog, we're fine as we are. The social worker looks in a couple of times a week. She may come today, though it isn't technically her day.

Ah. There's a doorbell. Snuffles has gone to open the door, he knows how, bless him. And here she is, bearing gluten-free cake and salt-free potato chips. She's even got this little lamp to light -- she doesn't believe in blowing OUT candles on birthday, and I must say I kind of agree with her.

So I'm going to sit down and have some cake now, and you toodle off and enjoy the rest of your day, cool?