The Letter That Will Never Be Sent...

To the boy who is on my mind,

I honestly don't know when I started liking you that way. Was it around that time when you commented on a nice smell at the end of the night, and sniffed my hair when I told you I had washed it that day? I know it's creepy, but it was also cute I suppose. I remember giggling like crazy and not even knowing why. I remember feeling like an idiot afterwards, but I also remember the smile you gave me when you heard me laugh.

Was it when we hugged for the first time? That hug you gave me when I was just having a horrible night and everything was going wrong? I felt like I was going to cry if one more thing went wrong and you knew it. You asked me if I needed a hug and I just nodded, so you wrapped your arms around me and just held me for thirty seconds maybe. You didn't have to, but you saw me upset so you tried to make me feel better.

Or maybe it was when I tried to go home one night and you kept hopping in front of my car. I kept trying to drive away and you kept putting some part of your body in front of my way. You were grinning the whole time and I couldn't stop laughing. I was tired, I'd had a long day, and I was going to have an even longer night trying to get homework done. But you made me laugh so hard there were tears in my eyes and I had to hold my stomach.

I've always liked you. From the very start. I don't know exactly when it started because I tried to deny it for so long. It could have very well been the first moment I saw you--before I ever knew your name or what you were like. That little spark started it and it grew as I learned more about you.

You know I like you, and I know you like me. We're both shy and awkward. We both prefer to stay in rather than go out. We have a lot in common and we get along well. I want to be with you, do you really want to be with me? Because if you do, I'd like to give it a chance. I believe it could work out and we would be happy. Our days would be filled with laughter, jokes, and sarcasm.

I haven't had much experience with this sort of thing, as you know. You've been hurt before, as I've been told. We're both scared. But I'm tired of being scared. I'm tired of not knowing what will happen between us, if anything ever does. I'm tired of waiting.

My imagination is very complex and vivid. I have imagined so many scenarios where we're together and we've been together, it would surprise you. I've imagined us playing video games together. Getting ice cream. Having a movie marathon. Introducing each other to things we love, respectively, and trying to get the other to love it too. Hugging. Wrapping our arms around each other's backs as an unconscious act. Holding hands for no reason. Smiling happily at each other all the time. Kissing--all kinds of kissing--and you may not believe it, but I hardly ever imagine us kissing on the lips. I don't know how to do it so I can't imagine it, but I have imagined kissing you on the cheek so often that I have to push down the impulse to do it whenever I see you in person.

Can you see now how much I care? How much I like you? Please tell me that you do.

I don't just see you as a pretty face. I don't just see you as a goofball. I don't just see you as this socially-anxious weirdo who acts like a slightly perverted twelve-year-old.

I see you as the boy who asks me to sit down if he sees me dizzy. I see you as the boy who makes sure I have something to eat when he knows I haven't eaten all day. I see you as the boy who comforted me when I was sad. I see you as the boy who can make me laugh no matter what. I see you as the boy I want to be with because you're the boy I've been waiting for.

I've been waiting for a special type of boy my whole life. One who makes me laugh all of the time. One who I feel safe and comfortable with. One who I wouldn't get mad at for wanting to fight my battles. One who sees me as someone he'd want to protect. One who loves the same things as me. One who makes me smile just thinking about him. One I want to learn everything about, and vice versa. One I'd put everything aside for a little while just to talk to him. One who I feel like I've known forever. One I'd be happy doing nothing with. One who was a friend first, but still made my heart skip a beat. One who's laugh is incredibly infectious. One that could make me nervous but calm all in the same moment.

You're it. You're what I want. I hope you feel the same way. I've never felt this way before. I thought I did once, but it didn't feel like this. I didn't like him the way I like you.

Everyone says that you're not going to do anything. That you're too shy to try. That's why I told you I like you, I was hoping it could be a gentle push to help you along. But you haven't even mentioned that night once. I suppose we'll have to take baby steps. It's hard though, because there are times I want to play with your fingers. Times that I want to kiss your cheek. Times that I want to wrap my arms around you and have you smile at me.

It's hard being patient when I want to be with you, but I'm willing because I want this to happen. Do you? Please give me some kind of sign, you obstinate boy!

From the girl who wishes to be yours...