There is nothing here

It was before Christmas. I wanted a present. I like presents, to receive them I mean. I don't like to give them. Too expensive. So, as I hadn't any friends and nobody was going to make me happy with a present, I decided to buy one for myself. What wouldn't you do for the person you love!

I remembered my coworkers said to me today, "Oh, you are such a nuisance! Nothing is good for you." So, if nothing is good for me, let it be nothing!

In the morning, I went to Macy's and asked the guard at the door:
"Where can I buy nothing?"
"Sorry?"
"Nothing. You know, nothing."
"I do not understand you, Sir."
"I—want—to—buy—no—thing."
"Even if you speak slowly it doesn't make sense. I would be glad to help you but you have to explain yourself, sir."
"You know what, where can I see your catalog?"
"On the Internet, sir. The site is www dot macys dot com."
"But I am here already. Is there any possibility that I'll see it here?"
"Ah sir, here. If you want to see it, you should go to the customer service."
"And it would be where? What, am I a carpenter? Do I have to take out every word with pliers?"
"Ow, I don't know. I just know what's on this floor. And the service is not here. I am sure, sir."
"Well, thank you very much."
"Oh, it's OK. Good Day sir. I am glad to be helpful."

On the seventh floor, I stopped for a breath. It was about noon already, but the time passed quickly as on each floor I would find a helpful person who wouldn't know anything but that the service is not on this floor. And everybody would then add "But, sir, would you like to buy something while looking for nothing? For example, let me show you..."

I looked to my right and suddenly saw a far-away door. A very grey door. Something told me to check what was written on it. I strained my eyes, but could not see it. Then, I came close, strained my eyes once more, but still could not see.

So, I went back to the sixth floor to buy a magnifying glass. Returned and looked through it on the door: "Clients service. Come in if you don't have anything better to do."

So, I came in. Two girls sat there and drank tea. They could do it all the day long, as there stood about twenty thermoses in the corner of the room.

"Hello."
"Yes! What d'you want, young man!"
"Can I bother you?"
"Why?"
"Well…"
"Spill it out! Quickly! Do it, do it!"
"Well, I am looking for nothing and they said that maybe you could help me in finding this." (Now, as I finished the sentence, I began to breathe again.)

"And now repeat it in half speed, so that I could understand!"
"Sorry."
"Don't say sorry. Come on. Spill it!"

"I am looking for nothing."
"Why?"
"I want to buy it as the present for myself."
"Well, then just pay money!"
"Sorry?"
"I'll show it to you. So pay the money."
"How much?"
"Nothing," (and they both giggled.)
"Nothing?"
"Well, nothing much. Just 10 bucks."
"Oh. It is cheap. Here you are."
"Fine. Go with me."

And she took me to the toilet. She entered men's and stopped before the mirror.
"Look. Here it is."
"What?"
"Nothing that you so wanted."
I looked onto the mirror and saw the big NOTHING.

Happily, I returned home.