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Rated: 18+ · Short Story · Comedy · #2143169
An attempt at Black Comedy. Writer's Cramp entry.
"We have to figure out how to get out of here." Jinxy sighed. She and her best friend, Jeff, had been kidnapped during one of their adventures. They were being held in a dungeon below the Palace of Brightland. "Something that will work and get us back to the United States, preferably alive."

"Don't worry; I have a plan!" Jeff smiled, as he hiked up his pant legs. "I am going to get the guard to fall in love with me, and seduce him."

"OK, and then what? Like I grab the key and get out of here, come back for you afterwards?"

"Who said anything about a plan? Have you seen how that guy looks in a uniform? I want to see him out of it. I bet he has a body like Zac Efron and a nightstick as big as--"

"Jeff, stop it. We have to get out of here. King Don has already vowed to have us killed. Especially after you seduced his son, on camera."

"To be fair, he said that the camera was off."

"It was a security camera at the bank!"

"You always get so huffy about these things. If he didn't want to be seduced, he should have put his scepter away."

"He is a Prince, of course, he carries a scepter, he has to! It's the freaking law!"

The door opened, and in walked Prince Ivan. His blond hair had been cut short, his blue eyes twinkled. Jinxy wished that it had been the guard that came in. Now Jeff was doing Rockette kicks.

"Well hello, Jeffrey. Father said I'm supposed to come down here and check on our prisoners." Ivan smiled as Jeff jumped into his arms and planted a kiss on his lips. "If Father saw us making out, it would make his head explode."

"I love you too!"

"You'll have to forgive Jeff; he seems to have a case of Nightingale Syndrome." Jinxy tried to pry her friend off of the Prince, but he was wrapped tighter around the object of his newfound affection than a Chipotle burrito. "Can you help us escape?"

"I can but why would I? Jeff is here at my beck and call, and Daddy is happy. It's win/win for me."

"And get out of here with your whole nightgown theories. I love Ivan and always will. We are Destiny's Child. Can't you be happy for me?"

"No, because this is not real. This is the Prince William thing all over again."

"You had an affair with Prince William? Am I better than he is?"

"Jinxy is just jealous that you're gay and all mine. She always wanted to be a Princess."

"I could marry her, for the public and daddy, but be with you."

"Oh no. You are not getting me mixed up in a scheme like this. I just want to get out of this dungeon and back to America."

"You realize that's not going to happen. There is no escaping from this palace. Even if you were to get out of the dungeon, there are guards all over that would kill you on sight."

"You are so smart." Jeff swooned. He managed to get the robe off of Prince Ivan and kissed his chest. "I wish I was as smart as you are."

"Oh Good lord. Jeff get your hormones under control, you are not in love with this man, you only think you are because he is holding us captive. 20 minutes ago, you thought you were in love with the guard."

"Jinxy is just jealous. Do you have a brother that she can have? Maybe one that is a little less hot as you are? What about Aaron?"

"Who's Aaron? I don't have a brother named Aaron."

"And unlike you, I am not impressed when people kidnap me and hold me hostage in a dungeon, just because they think they hold some kind of power."

"We are the rulers of the country. That is not some make-believe power; it is real power." Ivan's hands traveled down Jeff's back. "I could have you executed with a snap of my fingers for the way you are talking."

"And this is what you want to tell you love, Jeff? He just threatened to have me killed."

"Jinx, you are looking too far into what he said. Execute could mean anything. Like he can make you happen. Remember when you said that I couldn't go around telling guys that I wanted to see their bark and leaves because it was sexual harassment. Kevin Spacey told you that he thought it was charming."

"Are you sure that's a good example?"

"Yeah, as cute as you are, I think your friend is right. Bark and leaves is a horrible euphemism for--"

Jeff jumped off of Ivan and glared at him. "How dare you say that my metaphor was bad? Do you have any idea how long it took me to come up with that?"

"Less than the time it took Daddy and Mommy to create me?"

"That sounds about right!" Jinxy laughed. Jeff shot her an unhappy look.

He lifted his knee, connecting it to Ivan's groin. The Prince winced in pain and fell to the ground. He kicked him again and started to run out of the cell. He turned back to find Jinxy behind him.

After they ran for several minutes, and up a lot of staircases, they stopped to catch their breath. Jinxy panted; "I cannot believe that you only got mad when he insulted that horrible pun and not when he threatened to kill me."

"I was under that nightgown spell that you were talking about. Are you going to hold it against me?"

"I guess not. But you were about to have sex with him, right in front of me."

"It's not like it would have been the first time. And Ivan is a lot sexier than Matthew Bomer."

"Why are we still friends?"

"Life would be boring without me!"


© Copyright 2017 Author Ed Anderson (spaz11081 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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