My First Love

My First Love
The day I met you I looked into your eyes and knew you would break my heart
You said all the right things at first at all the right times.
You lips were like heroine
You made so many promises that always seemed to fall through
I wanted love so badly that I settled for you
You had a look in your eyes like many demons do
But you said “Babe I Love You”
There he is ladies and gentlemen with all the right words.
I looked past the lies and all the bs
Because I loved you and that was it
After awhile I stayed in your bed
I ached for your warmth when you were away
I knew about the other girls and what did you say
“Babe I would never sleep with them I only talk to them to see if I can”
Little by little you ripped at my heart
And little by little I fell apart
6 months roll by and I feel that I need you
I wanted love so badly I just stayed with you
You criticized my family, my mental health, and everything about me
You wanted to make sure I would feel nobody else wanted me.
Well A+ to you
Seems that’s the only thing you did well
Everything I had I gave to you as well
Then one day I said the wrong thing
I found your hand around my throat and the cold yellow painted wall against my head
Open fist warmed my cheek as tears ran down
You saw the look of fear in my eyes and enjoyed it
You promised me you didn’t mean it
Few weeks roll by and we are back to normal
You kept your promise for once that it wouldn’t happen again
At least so I thought
One day I found her number in your phone.
The topic of conversation was me
“Why are you with her she’s such a pig”
To her you have no response
Nothing
You said nothing which brought a cold to my heart
I asked
You freaked
I tried to leave but you grabbed me by the wrist and threw me on the floor
Told me I wasn’t going anywhere because you were all I had
Nobody would want a girl like me
You slapped me and I swear I could hear bells ringing
My family never liked you and I wanted to tell
But instead I wore sweater to cover the marks and makeup to conceal the swells
I loved you with everything I had till I had nothing left
We got in our last fight and you drew blood
All I heard was god telling me to run
In a time I lost my faith he whispered in my ear
You are loved and you are better
I told my parents I was leaving
The first time I had seen them since my sister told them the truth
The crack in my dads voice made my bones ache
I knew it was wrong dad but I loved him to much
I was convinced I was nothing with out him
But that was never your fault
My parents are relationship goals in my eyes
But I settled for way less
Now he’s with a new girl and texts me sometimes
He realizes he screwed up and I’m doing fine
I’m sure she’s a great girl but she’s not me
I’ve moved on and so should he
God saved me that day
I am so blessed you see
All along I was looking for love but I always had god and my family with me

-Bella Taylor