Be Glad You're Not Here

Greetings from the sofa: Hello, you. Be glad you’re not here. I spent the entire day sitting on the couch eating ice cream and watching sad movies. I tried to watch romantic comedies, but they made me think of you. I tried to watch cartoons, but they made me think of you. I tried to watch horror movies, but they made me think of you (you know why!). I tried to watch t.v. shows, but they made me think of you. So I watched sad movies all day. It was easier this way to explain the tears. People don’t cry for zombies. I know you did, but that’s you. The zombies are already dead. All day I cried and the tissues piled up on the green fabric of the couch we picked out together. Do you remember? You said you were going to take it with you when you left. But, no, it is still here to remind me of you. The same way every single thing on Netflix reminds me of you. So, greetings to you, from the sofa you abandoned, just as you abandoned me. I wish you were here to see the pain you’ve caused us both…but be glad you’re not here, or I would have to stab you in the eye with a hot french fry!

- July 15, 2013