Light Blue Again

Thoughts on Being Lonely

When I was a teenager, I read an article about the feeling we all have of being lonely. It discussed the description of loneliness as being blue. I recall it like this...

"Loneliness is dark blue, almost a black...like being in a pit where everyone is standing around the edge of the pit staring down at you, basically unable to help. Loneliness is also a light blue...washed out and dingy." I remember the profound effect that article had on my life at the time. I don't recall it having any sort of remedy for the emotions, but the words it gave me to describe them actually allowed me to quantify that loneliness in relation to the rest of my life and keep it in its place.

Now, so many years later, I think there's something to be said for being able to identify those blues. Look, we're all alone to some extent. Being alone doesn't necessarily mean you're lonely. But being lonely is so easy to identify. A person can be lonely in the middle of any size crowd you can encounter, because it's not a sense of space, but a sense of mind.

Loneliness is when you don't find any warmth in the companionship of another person. It may be that they are incapable of providing that warmth, or you may be unable to sense it. Maybe they aren't interested, or they are in that crowd around the edge of the pit you are in, unable to comprehend what you need or want. Maybe you don't even know what you can reasonably expect from life. But here's an idea about working out these issues:

In questioning lies self-awareness.

When we ask ourselves the question, we become more and more able to control the overwhelming sense of dread and loss that creates that hole in ourselves. "What DO I expect?" "What WOULD make me feel more whole?"

The secret then is to provide the answers to those questions to those you care about, and that you hope care about you. If they can't understand, at least you've started a dialogue. If they don't care, or can't care, at least you know where you stand in their lives, and can prepare accordingly for whatever changes you need to make.

Oh...and by the way...don't expect the whole world to make sense and leave you feeling suddenly fulfilled.

Remember the Buddhist Saying:

"There is Nowhere you MUST go...There is No One you MUST be...When it rains, the earth gets wet."

In short, you may always be lonely. But once you learn to accept that there is despair in life, it does become easier to carry on.