The shadow in the fireplace v. 2

Wilma left chubby Mr. Hopps and high-pitched Birdy behind in the room. The two padded through the now darkened space looking for a comfortable place to sleep in the creaking old mansion.

The rabbit found a spot on a broken-down sofa under the room’s sole window. If it were up to him the furniture would get replaced, but the family who had moved in with them valued their inheritance too much.

Darling bird landed on the wooden mantel. Fluffing her feathers and stretching her legs, she started to sing herself to sleep. Much to the annoyance of Mr. Hopps, as his standards for silence were inhuman.

The bird closed her eyes. The light from the fireplace faded. A loud bang. Dust, ash, and fiery bits shot into the room. Birdy got pushed off the mantel but glided to the rabbit and crash-landed in his thick fur.

“That’s coming from Daisy’s room. Hold on tight!” Mr. Hopps shouted.

The rabbit did not get along with her parents, but while they had only met yesterday morning, Daisy had already cleaned Hopps’ fur off of his purple bowtie.

With the mansion now shaking and ash whirling through the air, Birdy clung to her friend’s back. She guided the rabbit through the hallway and up the stairs, a challenge for the chubby rabbit. They hustled, slipped and slided, to get to the bedroom above.

The door swung open and the shaking stopped. Hopps and Birdy stepped into the room. The lamp lit up brightly, illuminating parts of the room but casting mysterious shadows over others.

One shadow crept away from the darkness next to the fireplace. It crawled towards the light. Birdy landed on the metal bedstead, wings spread out. Hopps sprang to the rug in front of the bed, paws raised.

Daisy removed her covers, exposing her body to the mystery shadow.

“Hello,” she said, with a steady voice.

“I am here for you,” the creature replied, its voice faint and dim.

With a silent plop the lamp on the night stand broke, but the rabbit saw a light. His previous owner was there for him, in a different shape. Daisy lifted him onto her bed and Birdy sat down on the girl's shoulder.

The girl’s parents stormed into the bedroom. They saw their daughter, cleaning the remaining dust and ash from Hopps’ bowtie, like the former owner of the house used to do.


to reviewers

Thank you for taking the time to read this short story! This story used to be about twice as long, but I've cut out a lot of unnecessary words and phrases in order to get it more compact. I'm especially interested in knowing whether everything is still clear and in if it is still interesting to read. This information would help me out a lot!