Where the Wilder Things Are

Where the Wilder Things Are

With sincere apologies to Maurice Sendak (Rest in Peace)

Once I doffed my monkey suit,
The night where I drank whiskey of one kind,
Or another.
My wife called me a WILD THING!

I told her, “I’LL EAT YOU UP!”
She said sure, and I’ll believe anything.

And in that night, as I slept, a dream did brew -
And brewed -
And brewed!


Until the mind filled with signs,
And my skull became a world filled with sound.

An ocean free of trouble came by,
With a private boat for my ass!
And I sailed off to brain parts far away.
It seems like weeks, dreams can take a year.
To where the Wilder Things are!


And when I arrived at the place where the Wilder Things are,
They yelled, screamed, and terrifyingly roared.
And screamed out their personal beefs.
My responses brought rolling of the eyes,
While they told tales in which I was the cause.
I finally said, “Be still!”

And tame them with my favorite... trick,
Of noticing they're pretty thighs,
Without even looking once!
They feigned fright, but still called me…
WILDEST OF ALL! They let me think I was king.
And now let the wild rumpus start!

“Now stop.” I said.
But I noticed, the Wilder Things were all been in my bed.
Was this even proper?


And I was the king of all things lonely,
And always wanted to be somewhere where someone loved me most of all.
Then all around, from far away, across the world, I smelled good things to eat.
I came out of the kingly dream, those Wild Things are crazy, you know they are…

The Wild Things cried;
“Oh please, don't go!”
“We’ll eat you up.” said one former girl
“We love you so!” said an ex-wife.

And screw ‘em. “I said no.”

The ex-girlfriends and ex-wives both brought their terrible roars. They gnashed their terrible teeth, at least I'd only paid a dentist for one. They all rolled there eyes at me, too. They all thought they had a good cause. I just walked onto my fine boat and said goodbye.

It seemed like it took more than a year. But after all the days in the week I'm finally got on back, I woke up in my room, my wife poking me! She had the bowl of buttery popcorn to go with the movie.

And it was still hot.