i'm trying. part 2

part two of "i'm trying." part one is here: https://www.writing.com/main/view_item/item_id/2160398-im-trying

i'm trying
i'm taking it day by day
and it's hard.
more than anything,
i want things to be okay.
i still sometimes hurt
         emotionally
         physically
         but not at my own hand anymore
         at least not as often
i'm finding other ways to get through the day.
i still think of ways to end it all
but not to pass the time.
         they come at random times
         intrusive thoughts i ofter try and ward off
         but sometimes it's easier to let them stay
it can make the comments easier to deal with
         faggot. tranny. waste of space. burden.
but it's not the only way anymore.
it doesn't always feel like the only way out.
my friends, they understand.
they tell me that the comments are false.
         that i am beautiful. handsome. kind. important.
and sometimes i believe them,
and when i don't they don't get upset.
they know i've tried to leave
         time and time again
they know i sometimes still hurt
and they try to help
and they help as much as i let them.
they are keeping me here
but i am happy with them
they don't make me deal with this alone if i don't want to
         sometimes they won't let me deal with it alone
         as i am more of a danger to myself than anyone else.
it's getting easier to stay.
to see the light.
it's still hard,
it's really fucking hard,
but still
i try.