Lover's Spats and Pillow Talk

"Kim, stop hogging the blankets or I'll push my button."

"Your button? Why don't you roll over here and push my button? It's bigger and more powerful than yours"

"Lose the tough talk, Kim and help me Make America Great Again! We both know that this "Global Warming" is fake news and I'm going to need as many blankets as I can get."

"If you put an end to your drills in South Korea, I might let you have an afghan."

"An Afghan? So, I ask you two things. Number one, why aren't they fighting for their country? And number two, I don't want these people coming over here."

"I've got some nice muslin sheets nuzzled between my missiles?"

"Muslim sikhs? Those are the worst! Those are the kind that get elected in that pathetically weak terrorist nation Canada!"

"Um, I think those are two separate religions"

"There is only one religion and that is Capitalism. I'm a rich man. I've made billions and billions of dollars by being, what some people call me, very, very, very smart. People don't love me for my money, people love me because I'm ridiculously good looking."

"It's your missiles and your sweet talk that made me fall in bed with you... Donald? Wait...who are you texting?"

" Uh...Ivanka? I'm letting her know I'd date her if she wasn't my daughter."

"You're lying... it's Putin isn't it! I know you've done all kinds of things in those Russian beds and you just can't break it off."

"..."

"You're trying to get him back into the G7 aren't you!"

"Yes! And it would be the G8 if Russia was back in it. 8 is bigger than 7!"

"Am I just your dirty little secret? You keep telling me that your relationship with them is a 10. Why can't you introduce me?"

"It's complicated Kim. If people knew about our relationship, things could get ugly. It could ruin my international image. Listen, you know I love Me. Why don't I use my new Space Force to build us a secret moon base, with lots of walls, where the two of us can just sit, stare at the stars and hold each other's buttons. We can both pretend the earth is Alderaan. Would you like that?"

"Can I bring my missiles?"

"As many as you like- you can never be too greedy!"