while i was away

Day one:
It’s difficult to
Think
Write
Breathe
When the weight of
Loss
Loneliness
Living
Is on your chest
-an elephant on my chest

Day two:
They wake me up
Early
To take
Blood
It feels like
They are
Pulling
What was left of me
Out

II.
My heart
Clenches
Tightens
Collapses
Breaks
When I hear
Her beautiful voice
Her wonderful laugh
When I know
I can’t see
Her
-my sister

Day three:
I just
Can’t
Breathe
I am
Choking
Suffocating
Dying
And I’m
Not
Even
Scared
-I lost my fear

Day four:
The hurt in my heart
Curls up
Moves down
Migrates slowly
Into my stomach
Where it fights to get
Out, desperately
In the form of
Blood
-a period of time

II.
Truth be told
I look in the mirror
And my heart
Doesn’t recognize
The person standing there
Broken
Tears running down
I don’t know
Who I am
-meeting me

Day five:
My heart feels
Happy
Not all poetry
Must be sad
I can be
Dark
Gloomy
Deep
I choose to be
Bright
Shiny
Me

II.
“Thursday”
My face falls
My eyes water
I look at
My mom, i
Want to leave
Please
-then It was “Wednesday” and I could smile

III.
I put down my marker
Down to the paper
And I
Bleed
& bleed
& bleed out
Without even breaking
My pale skin
-my words saved me

IV.
Taking a shower
Releasing my tears
Refreshing my heart
Letting go of
Feelings that come
Back &
Back
-& back again

V.
Swallowing happiness
Is what people do
We swallow:
Pills
Drugs
Alcohol
Food
Our feelings
-the truth we don’t like to think about

Day six:
The hot water
Pours down like
My feelings all
Around me the
Steams grow &
Grow until I
Can’t breathe, I
Try to open
The curtains to
Breathe but there
Is no way
Out so I
Beat through the
Wall to breathe
I will not
S
U
F
F
O
C
A
T
E
-daily shower

II.
The happiness
Inside me
Curls up
Moves to
My fingertips
It blooms
And I
Am more
Than willing
To share
My petals
With the
Beautiful people
Around me
-the flowers spring up from my cuts
III.
I have so
Much
I want to
Do
Like write a
Book
And dive in
To
The fairytales I
Love
And to have
The
Love of my
Life
And to just
Be
H
A
P
P
Y
-a fairytale girl

V.
My feelings move in me
Painfully they shift
Shake
Poke around
In my stomach
The hurt grumbles
Crumbles
Brings my insides to
P I E C E S

VI.
The excitement coils up
”I am going free”
Is all my mouth
Will say because I
Am leaving and I
Could not be happier
-what it is to almost be free

VII.
Letting go of
The people I’ve
Met is quite
Hard, and sad
Because they are
Great, and deserve
To get better
I will miss
Them, but they
Need this place
More than I
Need some friends
-I will miss and heal at the same time
VIII.
Survived and
I
Am happy
I
Swear I am
I
Know how to react
I
Know how to deal with things
I
Know how to cope
I
Am alive and
I
Am blessed
-healed

IX.
The past can not
H
O
L
D
Me any longer
My enemies can try
To strap me down
But I am a

W
O
L
F
I will break free
No matter the cost
I will always fight
I was born to
S
U
R
V
I
V
E
-animal child

X.
My heart beats faster &
Faster
The excitement
Wells up deep
Inside me
And moves back up
To my throat
I go to choke
I cough and
Out of my mouth
Comes petals covered in the
Dry blood of where I once
Bled but am now healed
-the flowers spring up from my cuts part two

XI.
The words flow out of me
Like water falls both
Elegantly and hard
From the sky
Once it starts it comes &
Comes &
Comes
I open my mouth
And they fall out like
Leaves in a strong storm
One day my words
Will shake the earth
And change everything
-I think I am the storm