Nothing can put you down unless you let!

Your D-day has arrived.... Get up girl!!! I heard my aunty screaming... I got up and looked at her face she
was soo excited and she figured out that I am not, so she left me with a nevermind face telling get
ready beauticians are on the way. When I was back from my morning routine I saw aunty and uncle
looking at each other with a confused face. I asked them how long beauticians will take to reach. They
said you have time to talk. I sat Infront of them and said I don't like this wedding. I said no in first
instance itself but fortunately or unfortunately things turned in such a way that you marry him or get
out of the house. I can't live without family. I didn't say Yes neither no. Parents did everything looking at
his wealth....
WHAT!!! YOU DONT LIKE HIM???
It's a long story... I don't think I can share this now. He seems to be a very reserved guy ... still a mummy
boy... Feels like many lies are there behind this marriage... Once I looked at his face and said I don't like
him. He said nothing and he told his parents he loves me. He needs me.... Now I am tied up. I can't look
back. I tried my level best to stop this. Nothing worked out.
My eyes are closed... I can hear my relatives sound... They are giggling outside the room. I heard
someone telling she is very pretty. Oh God finally I get to hear this... I was hearing only she is dark for all
these years.
Thanks to the beauticians who are making their magical tools work on me...
I can see all my relatives standing Infront of the Audi car and I am inside looking for some help. Can
someone kidnap me!!! I saw my fiancé coming near me like a celebrity... Cameras around him... Oh God
give me strength to face this....
Is this day supposed to be like this? Will everyone have the same reaction? I hate to look at the groom. I
remember my friend on her wedding day. They were talking to each other and we had to tell them to
keep quiet for some time. They were soo excited. They had the energy to run for an Olympics 500km to
1000km. But i am standing here next to him as if I am a goat for this Ramzan.
The moment I reached Infront of the church I heard a banging sound. DUM... It's thundering... Then the
rain started. I can't call it as raining... It was pouring... Like some 20 fire station vehicles are pouring
water at once. Guests are getting drenched and some said God is blessing Them.. Really? Did I hear God
is blessing the Couple? I think all the souls in heaven is crying.
The knot! Is someone murdering me with my parents permission??? God make me love this guy.... I
want to love him... Help me for the same. I am standing here in this church at the middle, with many
guests behind me many priests in front blessing me , no blessing us for a new life and I cant feel the
happiness I really want to feel.
I am a wife now. Photographers around us. Asking me to smile. Am I not smiling? I want to go home ... I
saw my friend capturing my look towards her. I want to hug her. Take me from here. It's suffocating.
Is this called reception? I have always loved receptions. Food... Gifts... Best wishes... Cake cutting...
Dancing... But now... I am standing here on the stage without even looking at the guy who is standing
Next to me. Oh no. He is my Husband now. And I am a Wife...
My family is telling me bye. They are crying. Take me from here. But nobody could hear my voice. They
left me alone. I went to the room, I cried hard. Like never before. I could feel a rock in my throat. I could
feel my heart is bleeding. Where did I go wrong? Family taught me not to hang out with bad boys. Never
had boyfriend. Had friends who can come home and talk anytime. Not even in a single relationship. But
at the end this is what I am getting? I said no to this. Nobody even bothered to listen. Where did I go
wrong???
Why he and his mom is praying for so long. Am I supposed to stand with closed eyes .. bend my head
and stand silent in this room for hours like them? These kinds of marriages happen in this era? Mom is
going... Why this guy is not looking at me?
I am on a new bed sitting next to a stranger who is now called as my husband and he is praying so
loudly. Is this how the first night goes on? I lied down to the new bed. Thinking how I am going to ride
this life further.... Till my death? God can you make me sleep for ever so that I don't have to see any
more sunrise...
I got up... it's so awkward to get up next to a guy who is stranger in heart but known as Husband. And I
am smiling at everyone as of am the happiest person on earth. All are greetings me with happiness. But I
am searching for a shoulder to cry out and tell how I feel. But found none.
Traveling to this city is not first time. But this time I am traveling with my husband and his family who
doesn't like to break the silence for 8 hours. Only I could hear is breakfast and lunch from the driver.
Okay... This is going to be very hard. Let me break this. 'Hey' I called out. You know something we are
going to start this life and it's a new city for you but don't worry. anything you feel you may talk it out.
Oops finally I spoke to him in one breathe. Bahahaha I spoke to my husband looking at face directly for
the first time. I have looked at him before only to say I want to break this wedding. Now telling let's start
our life. This is highly funny. But now, He just nodes his head and said yes yes like a kid to a school
teacher. To be more specific, like an obedient boy. How cute that sounds? Noh! It sounds scary and ugly
for me.
This is the second time we are sitting here in this room for counselling. I tried my best to bring him as a
man but I couldn't. But this time I sitting here to ask a question to the counselor that I heard from my
husband's personality development team. What is Autism. Who can find this out? Does my husband
have it or not?
I called my mother... I wonder how she can’t ask me how I am and how is my life after my wedding,
where my autistic husband and his mother made conversation at 3 am and asked is your wife really
good to you or not?
This is high time. I searched with many doctors. Not just second opinion. I made 1000 opinions from
different people. And all I know is I can't change my husband's character. His family said I am mad.
Really? Findings husband have Autism is because I am mad?
NIMHANS! Place where we friends always make fun of. Now truly I am standing to check up my
husband's mental condition to prove the world that I am not mad and what I said is right. He seems to
be very happy. Obviously, he will. I said I will be there with him always let's go to a new place and we
will love our life without anyone. Sorry baby boy, I can't go in to depression being with you. But same
time i know you will betray me in a second the moment your mother says forget her. And luckily you
have got the emotionless personality that make you COOL always. And that’s not normal and I am not so
easy to look at that as WOW personality.
Family Court! Never thought I will reach here. My mother is sitting waiting for my name to be called. We
finally found a lawyer and seems to be good. Whom should I trust and whom I shouldn't? Medical test is
done. Found the truth. What this court is waiting for. Why they have to extend the case? Because I gave
the case to make my marriage Null and Void? Is this how Court works. " This will take a long time.
Procedures are pretty different" I heard my lawyers voice. Okay I got to wait and listen to all stupid
things that I could and couldn't bear.
Why I am not like before. I forgot to love now. Everyone who loves me started to get angry or started to
get hurt. Why am I doing this way? Why can't I love like before? Why did the counselor asked me to go
to him and said it will be hard to come out? I tried to be my husband's wife. I was not in love. But after
wedding I accepted that this is going to be my life. What is that haunting me now. I always remember
him. He has never given me a good memory. Still something is haunting me. Why I am not able to lead a
normal life. I want to be alone. I want to cry out loud. I want to scream. Moreover, I need a shoulder to
cry for hours. I wish I go to a beach and cry out. Listen to the waves and forget those makes me sad.
When will Judge tell it's a nullity. That day I will win my Case. Will I feel Happy Then? Will I feel happy
like having an expensive ice-cream with Heart full of happiness like before? I Doubt.
Facebook full of friend’s kids school photos. They seem to be successful. No one knows about me. I
untagged all the photos of engagement and wedding. Great I have never uploaded a single photo of us.
One day I want upload a new photo, My Happy Face writing 'reached my dream's’. I want my inbox full
with congratulations. Will that make me Happy? May be Yes, maybe No. I want to reach the level to find
happiness in all situations. And reach not to think this is happiness that I see in Facebook or Instagram. I
am standing here in a hill station screaming out loudly, letting all the worries in to the air and making my
mind free to be who I was, and who I always want to be. I don’t want to let myself in to the deep tunnel.
Only I can find the light in me. May be others can help but can’t find the solution.