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I am in pain,
a constant torrent of pain,
the floods of emotion come at me nonstop,
eroding my surface,
eating away at my ill constructed walls,
My tears come constantly one after another,
hitting the ground like a never ending rainstorm,
I look for a beacon of hope,
a light house shining to guide me back,
lead me out of this darkness I find myself trapped in,
but I find no beacon and there is no light,
some days I feel like I can withstand the hurt,
but not today,
no today I have no strength left,
the fight in me has died,
I have lost all hope and simply wish to sleep,
I long to close my eyes and sleep forever,
give in to the promise of nothingness,
the cold steel shining in my hand could quicken my surrender,
it would take nothing but a slit of my wrist,
I could let the nothingness swallow me whole and simply be done,
done with the pain,
done with the sorrow,
but I know this is a cowards escape,
they say it takes strength to live but I don't think they understand,
they say it is a selfish escape,
but it takes strength to die as well,
debates happen in seconds as you weigh your options,
today death seems such a sweet relief,
here come the tears once more,
how I wish I could close the floodgates my eyes have become,
is it selfish of me to just want to stop hurting,
sometimes this weight is unbearable to carry,
my body aches and my bones creak and crack with every single step,
I will try to be strong,
to be strong and live as they say,
but do they not realize I am already dead,
my face may smile and my heart may be beating,
but this struggle to carry on has left me dead inside.
there is no joy,
there is no laughter,
there is simply make believe,
to mask all of this,
PAIN.