Jolene

“I can do this.” I sucked in a deep breath and exhaled. “I have to do this.”

The Church was empty, I knew it would be. Some would call this the coward’s way but I couldn’t make this apology in front of everyone. Dolly sat by the casket, her head swiveled around. “This is a closed service.”

“I’m not here for the service; I want to talk to you.”

“Not to be rude but I am not in the mood to talk to my husband’s mistress. Please don’t deluded yourself into believing that he loved you. He didn’t. Like me and the other women that he went to bed with, we were all just bed warmers. The only person Kenny loved was Kenny.” Dolly made the sign of the cross and looked at the casket.

Her words stung. She was right, of course. “Dolly, I wronged you. I’ve come to apologize, to ask for your forgiveness.”

“After everything that happened, do you really expect me to forgive you? Jolene, you’re crazier than I thought. No. I cannot and will not forgive you.”

“What I did was wrong. I fell for his excuses and believed him when he said your marriage was over.”

“You’re not sorry. Not really. You’re sorry that you were caught. Maybe you’re sorry that he didn’t leave me, but you are not sorry for what you did.” Dolly stood up, her frame was short, but the fierceness in her eyes was frightening. “Now I want you to leave so my family can mourn this man in peace. Because this is about them and not about you.”

Once outside, I leaned on the building and asked, “Why won’t she forgive me? I didn’t know.”

There was a bar across the street, the outside was run down, but whiskey was whiskey. Crossing the street was easy. Smoke billowed around the room when I opened the door. “Whiskey, neat. Make it a double.”

“Miss, I don’t know you, but I do know right from wrong, and I am not gonna pour you that drink.” The bartender wiped off the counter by him. It had to be a joke that he wouldn’t pour me a drink, what kind of bar refused service. “You need to talk, and that’s what I’m here for.”

“What I need is for you to pour me a whiskey.”

“No, ma’am.”

“What kind of bar is this? I just need to get a drink and forget that the ma, the only man I’ve ever loved died.”

“I’m sorry to hear of your husband’s death.”

“He wasn’t my husband. I was the other woman. I went to talk to his wife and ask for forgiveness, but she wouldn’t hear me out. Threw me out of the funeral. Can you believe that?”

“Yes. Do you hear what you’re saying? When you go to make amends, you have to actually feel that what you did was wrong, and you need to remember that forgiveness from someone else is not always forthcoming. You wrecked a marriage, broke a trust between a man and his wife. Would you be able to forgive if you were in her position?”

“It’s the Christian thing to do.” Bright light poured into the bar, but the curtains were drawn, and the door was closed.

“Jolene, wake up! Don’t you die. I swear to the Higher Power that if you die, I will go up to Heaven, drag you back here and send you right back.”

“Dolly?” My voice was mumbled. My eyes couldn’t focus, but my lover’s wife stood above me. I was sure of that. “I’m sorry. There’s no excuse for what I did. I took him, because I could. Even though you begged me not to.”

“You’re alive. That’s a start.” She looked over her shoulder, for what was a mystery. “What are you going on about?”

“I slept with your husband. For that, I’m really sorry. What I did is unforgivable but I hope you can find it in your big beating heart to know that I was young and reckless. I don’t expect you to understand or forgive me but I had to tell you.”

“Did you think I didn’t know? I did. And for a long time, I harbored a lot of anger towards you. But that’s not healthy. So I searched my soul, especially after the accident and I’ve come to peace.”

“Accident? What accident?”

“The reason you’re in the hospital. You don’t remember Kenny drunk driving and wrapping the car around the tree? We’ve all been praying for you to come out of it. Kenny wasn’t so lucky. He passed, I’m sorry to be the one to tell you.”

“I know, I was at his funeral. You yelled at me and I went to the bar across the way. The bartender wouldn’t pour me a drink.”

“Jolene, none of that happened. You’ve been in a coma. Since you had no family, I agreed to help you. At first, I wanted to do awful things but I’ve come past it. I don’t think that you and I can ever be friends but we both loved Kenny and share the same loss.”

I tried to sit up but the world spun around me. Dolly moved in and wrapped her arms around me. “I’m so sorry. You must think I’m awful and insane.”

“I don’t think any of those things. We were all in a situation that could and should’ve been avoided but at the end of the day, you’re still a human being that deserves to be loved.”

“Why are you being so nice? Am I dreaming again?”

“No, you’re not. This is real life. And sometimes kindness goes further than anger.”

The bright light came back, this time it dragged me upwards. It was freeing. As I looked down, Dolly was sobbing and it made me feel heavier. She had forgiven me. She cared. I blew a kiss and ascended.