To name an abuser..

Every night I lay to bed I have horrible thoughts floating through my head
You were my first love, I was obsessed with you.
The first three months was a dream to me.
I saw myself growing old and having children with you. And I was happy...

As I kept giving u all of me, you started changing.
The man that would whisper sweet things into my ear as I fell asleep would later scream horrible things to my face while I was awake.
Instead of going home with a smile I would go home with tears and nightmares awaiting that night.
When your hands started leaving marks I kept wondering is this my fault, am I really that bad? I would put everything you did aside just for the moments you were nice.

You would start fights and say the worst things then suddenly you would be silent but smile and laugh at my tears. I would apologize for crying through the pain you would cause me.
After all the pain you caused I wish I was the one that left but I was so captivated in you.
But today I wish that I could go back and stand up to you.
I should not have to apologize to a man that abuses me with his words and his fists.
I should not have to cower from a pathetic man like him.
I am who I am in spite of you.