Disappointment

Walking on the empty street alone seems normal,
All rugged and moth-eaten clothing turns purple
With my earphones on, and my Walkman in my pocket,
I hear the sweet music fades away like a falling rocket.

I see the sun begins to slowly dip in the horizon,
As the light of hope becomes a drop of poison
The darkness I witness comes out like a proud con,
As if it sucks out my desire and dream to carry on.

The nights of endless melancholy continue,
I can’t seem to realize any colors but blue
Tears do not appear when they should be anymore,
I keep holding them back even though my eyes get sore.

I lie down facing the starless sky in wonder,
What’s my purpose in life, I ponder
All I desire is to succeed to give you smile and bliss,
However, every time I try, you get angry and pissed.

Do you know what’s sharper than newly-forged swords?
It’s when someone you love and trust stabs you with words
Words that you believe you’re vulnerable to,
Words that you believe hurt no one but you.

Somehow in the darkness, I yearn to get out and wake up,
On the other hand, I also want to stay and give up
I know I need to keep myself away from being suicidal,
But sometimes I feel like escaping from despair isn’t crucial.

I remember those times when I was away, I was happy,
When it was like forever with memories of content and glee
I remember when there’s spring after winter and summer precedes fall;
When the flowers and trees were very colorful and beautiful.

I feel peace when I didn’t think of running away or getting out,
I feel peace when I think I lived my life well without a doubt
I wish I could turn back time and soar free again,
I wish I had the courage to leave this dungeon you made for me once again.

I know I’m not the person that you want me to be,
You think I’m the reason for your discontent and dismay
I always try my best to be the person you want me to be,
It’s just that a cat can’t be a lion, and a wasp can’t be a honey bee.

Now, I’m in so much sorrow because I’m too weak,
You never ask me whenever I get hurt since I’m too meek
You should be the first person, who gives me spirit and strength,
I’m sorry, mom, but I have lost and become your disappointment.