I would rather sleep on the beach.

"Hey babe, you comin' in?" I crouch by my soon to be husband. My rehearsal outfit flows in the light breeze. A satin cream top and white skirt, comfy beach fare.

"I dunno, it's peaceful out here. My thoughts just sort of flow out here instead of jamming up inside my brain with no where to go but down." I don't respond, don't know how to. I squeeze the sand betwixt my bare toes three times before stretching them out in front of me and sitting down. For eight long minutes we just sit there, matching our breaths with the waves as they roll in with our fears and wash out with bits of our acceptance. This is hard, too hard. It's not something either of us is ready to accept fully but we're both practical enough to know we'd be fighting a loosing battle if don't give in to the universe. "I just don't know if I'm doing this right."

"What right?" I ask, though I feel I know him well enough to know.

A full minute of silence rolls by before he can muster up the courage and release enough of his ego. "Parenting. Am I a good parent?" I don't say anything. Not because he isn't a good dad, he's a great dad. He knows that, so I wait for him to speak his full thought. "I mean, I feel I'm doing ok, and Trina, well she means well. Frankly, I think those drugs are what messed him up to begin with, he's a kid! He doesn't need all that crap in his system, it would eff anybody up to have that ish pumped into them before they were even in second grade," he sighs. It sounds like he's breathing out a combination of anger, fear, resentment, acquiescence and all the emotions descriptive of a grieving father with few options.

I snuggle closer to him and take his hand. "I don't know. This sucks, but it sounds like it's going to be good in the long run. At least they're taking him off the meds completely for a while so they can start at base zero. Maybe he won't need them after all, but if he does...we've already tried so many pharmaceutical options, I say it's time to take a bit of a more holistic approach. You know?" I nudge him, hoping he was listening and hasn't been dragged out into the sea.

In answer he turns away from the ocean to nuzzle my neck, inhaling deeply. "Hmmm, you smell like the ocean, I like it." He starts nibbling up to my ear. Normally this just tickles but I feel excitement start to roil within me. I lean away a bit, let him follow me until he starts to pull me down into the sand.

"No no no, not till tomorrow." He huffs out his frustration and groans a bit. "O please, 72 hours isn't going to kill you, we used to go months."

"That was different, distance makes the heart grow hornier."

"What do you think?"

"I think I can see your nipples through that shirt," I roll my eyes.

"What do you think about this new holistic program Sean is in?" He raises up off me, slipping back into the conversation with ease.

"I don't know about 'holistic', they're still going to drug him up if they think they have to. But I am excited for him to be off the meds. I just hate not being there. I hate they won't let us be there. I hate wondering if he would be in this predicament if Trina and I hadn't broken up." And there it is. It takes a minute for me to unpack his statement. Logical me knows that he's glad to be away from his ex. Smart me knows that two of them together is combustible in the best of times. But sensitive me hates this tie between them. This inexorable connection they share that will never fade. Would them being together be exactly what Sean needs?

I play with the hem of my white skirt.It's nearly the exact color of the white linen dress I've picked out for tomorrow. The big day. OUR big day. The forecast could not be more perfect in terms of actual weather but still there remains this dark cloud of worry and uncertainty that's plaguing us all. My fiance releases a heavy sigh, pushing out with the receding waves. "I just wish he was here."

"Me too," and with that and the sand between us we look out into the horizon and our futures.


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814 words

"Winner and New Prompt, due April 19th - 2019"  

Choose one of the following as your title:

I would rather sleep somewhere on the beach.

She would drag me through the streets of Baltimore

It's a sin

Zoutelande

And Toto plays a song of George: "While my guitar gently weeps..."