Journal 1

There are too many users who don't care about civil rights except for how it applies to their white, chauvinist, homophobic, supremacist assholery. They trash the LGBTQ+ community when possible, insulting Korra, Blake and Yang and the couples in comic books. They can't stand a woman being a Star Wars protagonist (I will admit, I do have some issues with Rey, but not because of her gender, it's because she seems at times like a Canon Mary Sue with how easily she can solve problems and that she's a Jedi who pilots the Millennium Falcon, saying "We rolled Han, Luke and Leia into one super-character who can handle EVERYTHING!" I also really wanted them to reveal she was Luke's daughter, but that was apparently dropped). TLDR version; I'd love a woman Jedi protagonist, but make her have more trouble facing her foes and not always have the right answer for everything. But it doesn't stop there for the resurgence of the Nazi party on the Internet. They trash people who genuinely enjoy the characters, especially for Sexist, Racist and Homophobic reasons. With that in mind, it's clear they don't believe in the statement in the Constitution that everyone is free to have a voice. If you mute people in every public avenue, it's non-Christian, because you're seeking to subjugate a person based on your judgement of them, not God's. And silencing people in media leads them to protest to let their voices be heard, to which the only "solution" these trolls will think of is outright genocide. I've written hundreds of shipping stories about Samus and Zelda in Smash Bros. and Yang and Blake of RWBY fame. I had them meet and support each other, fighting each other in intense "sparring matches," (Smash Battles) and relying on each other whenever they got physically morphed by a malicious force. With the introduction of Saphron and Terra Cotta-Arc last season, I added a new couple to the pre-established ones and watched happily as the Bumbleby ship became canon. I wanted to share this joy and happiness with deviantart. Their response? It felt like they were ignoring me. Some people can write a story without a very good grasp on the English Language and get sixty faves. I'm lucky if I get five favorites. Most of deviantart is also obsessed with Violet Beauregarde to an unhealthy degree and I have developed the paranoia that people I've wronged (by refusing to work on their exhausting and demanding ideas for no money) make journals and notes telling people not to give me any attention whatsoever so I will either leave or commit suicide. Sometimes I feel like I have had enough with that disgusting pile of rodent excrement and I should leave and never return.

And yet, it actually feels like a community based on creativity. There are days when I just buzz from page to page, wondering when something's coming next. I like to share ideas there that I couldn't with my family because of how "out there" they can get. And, like everyone there, seeing something like the E3 Nintendo Direct has my brain overflow with ideas, like Alena from Dragon Quest IV dressed as (possessing) Princess Daisy, art based around the new short-haired Zelda design, speculation which Dragon Quest characters would be used as Spirits and who would they possess? When I got the game, I actually made Spirit Teams based on my mental image of certain characters, like Zero Suit Samus, Zelda, Peach, Daisy, Lucina, Corrin and Palutena. I also like to share screen shots of my own customized Mii Fighters based on 3rd party characters, characters from other media and celebrities. Something I really like to do is make Mii Brawlers based on WWE Wrestlers and have them fight in the Boxing Ring stage on Monday or Tuesday, based on if they're a Raw or Smackdown Superstar. (Admittedly, with the Wild Card Rule, I'm probably just going to use most of them both days/everyday, since some I made, namely; Becky Lynch, Bayley and Roman Reigns, frequently use the Wild Card Rule). The art can be genuinely awesome and I have too many people I care about to leave. But I have this dang anxiety disorder that makes the hateful words that seem like meaningless jokes to them say instead to me, "Write off the 2020 election, wait for 2024, if you're not dead by then! Ha-ha! Fuck you!"


I'm at least taking the rest of today off from deviantart. I may decide while away I should not come back. I think that's what God wants from me. I think I will be happier, more social and less afraid of people because they won't constantly threaten me and misinterpret my feelings. I am not "feeling" deviantart right now and would rather avoid the website for the rest of my life at this point.

I hate deviantart, I hate what it's done to me. It's made me paranoid about the website, feeling that I must constantly be perfect or risk losing friends as they journal "Don't fave gvsgdude89's shit, that guy's an asshole!" It's made me paranoid of just plain talking with other people in real life, afraid they'll bring up their unholy political-religious marriage in their brain and use that to criticize me with several verses they have memorized for just such an occasion. As such, I have to either act perfect around this person or prepare for the possibility of him assault me both verbally and physically for being "such a sinner." ALL have sinned, and you don't stop even if you get saved. The belief that being baptized prevents you from sinning later has created idols that people worship more than Jesus himself and to turn a blind eye to the hurt you cause, saying simply "Those (insert Trump's punching bag ethnicities and minorities in racist slur form) deserved it." It's a never-ending battle to build up protection from the evil within yourself and only you can fight it. You just assume because water was poured on your forehead that nothing you do anymore is wrong and instantly decide racism is good because your "pastor" demands the congregation only watch Fox News and the 700 Club and Pureflix movies!