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A marriage dying from neglect. |
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I'm an expert at ignoring "red flags". Wading breast deep in the red flag red zone, I staunchly march on --on to the next financial idiot, waiting to be rescued. It's my special skill. I've been married for 16 years now. My third marriage. I'm always making the same mistake. Signing "that piece of paper" for all the wrong reasons. My situation has been dead for quite a while now, years really. It's not that we don't know, we are simply waiting for me to make the first move. I am recovering from a spinal injury. It happened the morning of July 15th, 2013. In the course of a few hours I was completely paralyzed from the chest down. Everything was useless. Couldn't walk, couldn't feel my legs. The neurologists were confused. At first it was West Nile. It was not "THAT." Guillaiin-Barre was next on the list. I googled that and did not sleep for days, terrified that the doctors were correct. It was not "THAT.". I was discharged from the hospital after three weeks with an appointment at the MS Clinic in San Francisco with the speculation that my injury could be a "first attack" of MS and that would be my next stop, checking my spinal column for lesions. Details of two spinal surgeries, a knee replacement and a hip replacement are not necessary. Suffice it to say that it was a long and difficult recovery. I am always careful to mention that "except for a breast lift" everything has been replaced on my right side. I learned a lot about myself during my recovery. I learned that I am stronger and more determined than I could ever imagine. I learned that suicide would clearly be the right choice if my diagnosis was found to be MS. I was firm about that. I was ready. I learned that my marriage was based on sex and nothing more. It wasn't very long before my husband plugged his headphones into his new Android, and unplugged, from me, from the home that we shared, our adult children and their children, the dogs we rescued. I became "unnecessary" after I came home to recover. I was on the same feeding schedule as our dogs, he took me to my doctor appointments, but other than that, he lived on the first floor and I lived on the second floor, in our bedroom. I was so lonely. I got replaced by an Android. He became The Porn Hoarder. |
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