A New Heroine in Town

“That’s Lady Parachute, right?”

“No, Lady Paragon! P-A-R-A-G-O-N.”

“OK, I think I got it.”

“And officer, why are you writing me a ticket again?”

“Look, Miss...in this city we wear clothes-- even the superheroes. And by clothes, I mean something more that a mask and boots!”

“Well, I’m kinda new at this thing.”

“Realllllly?”

“Yes, well you see I just recently discovered my powers and this was my very first bank robbery.”

“Oh happy day! So I’ll be seeing you again then?”

“Oh, yes!”

“With clothes next time?”

“That’s what I was trying to explain. So I got zapped recently and got these powers and then had my friend make me this killer suit cause I wanted to naturally help mankind and fight crime.

“Naturally…”

“But it turns out clothes don’t hold up well under bullets….”

“Who woulda thunk it, right?”

“Or super speeding!”

“Speeding, huh? Do I need to write another ticket, Miss Parasite?”

“No, no, not in some car. Me! When I stopped the robbers, I used my power of superspeed to arrive once I heard the bank alarm go off. You know, I have been clocked at close to Mach 1.”

“I didn’t really catch that in our roll call meeting this morning. That’s fascinating. ”

“Even more fascinating was the way all the bullets bounced off me! Of course, it shredded the rest of my costume…”

“You don’t say….”

“But I couldn’t let them get away so I lifted the car with my superstrength and….hey, why are you still writing?”

“Lady Paradox, listen…..I’m sure you’re a nice kid and all, but like I said, we got rules around here. And heck, it should be pretty obvious anyways. You got to wear clothes!”

“So would you rather I let them escape with the money?”

“If I had my druthers, I wish you woulda stopped them without turning this into some kind of Cinemax After Dark movie. I also wish you’d let me finish fillin’ this citation out cause I’m already late getting home. And it’s Meatloaf Night!”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to interrupt something as sacred as Meatloaf Night. Please carry on!”

“OK, I tell you what, kid. Since you’re new at this superhero game, we'll forget the citation....this time! And here’s a couple of tips. Tip Number One: don’t just use your superspeed just to make a grand entrance.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning you’re super fast! Take their weapons. Knock them out. And if they manage to get off a shot, get outta the way!”

“OK, good tip!”

“And Rule Number 2. No more homemade outfits! Here...call this number and ask for Gino. He’s my cousin. He’s a little prissy, but he’ll make you something great. Kevlar. Double reinforced so…..THIS…..doesn’t happen in case they do shoot you!”

“I cannot thank you enough, Officer! I look forward to meeting once again to rid this town of more malfeasance. You have a safe night!”

“You too, Lady Parallelogram! Stay safe!”