Letters of Lord Spizwick: Undead Bourbon

To the Village of Ver-Dunn,

Greetings my friends, word has reached my ears of your great acts, and I'm eager to express my gratitude on behalf of the miserable Undead people. They are often shunned because of their unsightly appearance, and often, the rot is overwhelming. Some of your own citizens have expressed concerns about hygiene and, we have heard, the children are terrified. It seems, not many will take in the undead.

I've written to assure you, the undead are living out a curse for being less than respectable in their former lives and were sent back to their corpses after the first judgment of the unknown God. It was his pleasure they be forced to atone. Some of these men and women were killers, others refused to keep lanterns lit on their wagons and carts causing accidents. An unrepentant heart in life must find its atonement in death. I am unsure of why it is the rest of us must make atonement as well as we are the ones who endure the site and smell of the undead.

I would be remiss if I did not point out the usefulness of these people living out their atonement. Undead are adept at jobs the living are not keen to perform. Clogged privies, the drainage pits where fish are prepared for market, washing the feet of Dwarven citizens who refuse to wear shoes. The undead, as you know, have no sense of smell. They are the best choice for jobs that have a stench that rivals an open grave, or, an orc with bad breath (very much the same to many).

Since you have done this selflessly and with no complaining and with happy hearts, I have allocated funds from the coffers to rebuild your illustrious public toilet and execution stage.* It is a small token of our thanks for your outreach to those of us who would choose, as it seems, to keep at several arms' length. Please, use these funds to rebuild and expand for your annual execution season which I will be sure to attend.

As to the matter in which you recently communicated regarding the storage of Ragweed Bourbon. I'm flattered that you seek my expertise! As a aficionado of fine spirits I'm happy to give advice on this topic. It all depends on the grade of the Bourbon, and the type of Ragweed used in brewing. Most experts agree, if it is Skunkflower Ragweed, it is best to store as cold as possible as the slower fermentation will surely make a smoother blend. If we speak of Wildbloom Ragweed, that is a warmer malt, not stored in much cooler temperatures than your average root cellar. Remember the cork must be re-secured with a metal latch and to open with caution: Many accidents that lead to the grave were the mere popping of a Ragweed Bourbon cork. That one gentleman years back from Breckwood suffered greatly as the cork went straight through his eye socket and exited from the back of his head. The wound itself was not fatal, but it is my understanding he can now only count to 3 and communicates with a series of exaggerated gestures and random lyrics from Gnomish folk songs. Be very cautious, my friends.

I hope this was all helpful and I sent my warmest regards.

Yours,