Suicide Note

Tell my sister I’m sorry.
She never wanted to see me this way.

Tell my mother I wasn’t bluffing.
I just always imagined her pulling the trigger.

Tell the doctor the pills aren’t working.

Tell Chris... never mind, I’ll tell him myself.
Tell the old gang I’m going back
to get the friend who did not survive.

Tell my love everything has his name on it.

Tell uncle Brian he’s right that one day I would.

Tell grandma Mary she doesn’t have to carry
This burden anymore.

Tell my father: “Can we be closer on the other side, if we go to the same place?”

Tell my exes to give me a moment of thought, for now they know the sound of a dodged bullet.

Tell depression I said: “Good game, I almost had you motherfucker.”

Tell the floor thank you for being a comfortable final bed.

Tell my heart to stop pumping
My feet to stop running.
Tell them that their work here is done.

Tell my body keep the pills down
And until I say goodbye... tell goodbye I said hello.
Don’t fix the brokenness,
It’s all I know.

Don’t name the sound of my sister’s laughter, or unconditional love in my dog’s eyes. Don’t show me what I have to live for. Please, don’t make me fight.

I’m so tired and yes I want it to be better but better is only another dozen cuts.
Don’t wash off the blood.

Tell Noah I said thank you. Tell Dria I said thank you.
Tell them all thank you and I’m sorry.
Sorry I wasn’t the best daughter, sister, friend, lover.
Tell god to send another one
but this time, with less damage.


©Black Widow 2020


(Line Count — 38)