The Messenger

The Messenger

Writing this story, I need to clarify that I am not a part of it. It isn't my love story, or one that I experienced. I am solely an observer: someone that understands both sides and sees everything, but none of my personal feelings are involved. From what I understand, my role of being the messenger is extremely crucial for the development and growth of this relationship. I recognize that in some ways I am betraying the trust in which both people have given me, as I am telling their side of the story to each other. But that is my duty, it is what I was made to do. The responsibility of the messenger is subordinated because they aren't what people are looking for. People look to read about a forbidden love story to live through them and to immerse themselves into a world they don't belong.

It is a simple story; a girl falls for a guy. The guy is in a committed relationship. He begins to like her too. He is hurt but he feels the need to make the right choice.

Let's begin from the start, Carlotta, a girl from northern Italy. She is a bright girl, full of happiness. Always has a big smile on her face, giggling here and there. Carlotta wears big round glasses which cover almost half of her face. Dark blonde hair, straight as can be, falls softly down to her collar bones. Some would call her petite. She is small, her hands are small, her fingers are small, like a compressed version of a human being. I mean this in the best possible way. She is kind, sweet and has a good heart. She means well, and lets her emotions drive her decisions majority of the time. This isn't fully beneficial and can hurt her in some situations, but it is part of her character and her charm. Her heart leads the way and her mind just follows.

And now we have Elijah, a simple guy. Born and raised in Spain, close family but hidden with deep-rooted issues. But they try and they love him unconditionally. He bares with him this endless love for everyone around him. He hugs, he kisses, and he loves freely. He laughs and cries and feels. He even meditates for 15 minutes a day, believing that it helps him regain himself and build mental strength. Elijah is rustic, with scruff long enough to still be scruff but not long enough to be a beard. Round face, small nose, brown eyes, and a shaggy hairstyle. His style is questionable, and he knows as I have repeatedly told him. We became good friends, like fully platonic boy-girl relationship, which no one can ever truly complain about.

September of 2019, we all moved into a student accommodation in Amsterdam. Living on the first floor, everyone had something to bond about which was our lack of pretty views and the other building across from us being able to look into our rooms as our windows were parallel. Since the beginning, Elijah had been extremely nice and found a way to connect with everyone. Carlotta got a little bit more attention then everyone, which established that there was undeniable attraction between them. However, days and weeks passed, and nothing happened. The main reason for this is that Elijah had his girl waiting for him back home. Valeria, a girl Elijah has been dating for many months. As the messenger, that was one small detail I missed out on, and quite frankly, it doesn't really matter because Valeria is a small fraction of this story. Actually, maybe not. She is a small fraction but one that heavily influences the end. Either way, I never met her. Elijah wanted as much time with her as possible while she was here visiting him. I saw her once, from behind. I was sitting in the study room and saw him and her passing by in front of the glass walls which enclose the area I was in. I saw her from the back, long brown hair hitting the middle of her back, dark blue jeans and a grey sweater. She was small, smaller than Carlotta. There was a type he liked and you could see that.

Anyways, they bond is irrelevant for this part of the story as we are focusing on the building of Carlotta and Elijah's relationship. Me and Carlotta grew close, as we bonded over our family history, her awful but charming dance moves, and the fact that her liking for Elijah started to develop. She would tell me and another Italian, Galilea, how she liked him but just a little. Never too much. She had her guys back home as well, but it wasn't the same. Elijah wasn't her type; she would say multiple times. Elijah wasn't like the other guys she has dated or liked; he was "different".

Months passed and still nothing happened. I would sit back and just observe people and watch their actions and how they portrayed themselves. Elijah wouldn't talk about Carlotta when I approached him, the topic wouldn't even come up. We would get distracted talking about FRIENDS or some movie one of us hadn't watched. I believe it came out of fear of putting feelings out there into the open, which weren't about Valeria. It was hard to read Elijah and to understand his thoughts. More than anyone I have ever met, and my entire life I have read people and their body language with such ease. But this was a shell I felt the need and urge to crack.

Elijah told us that he wouldn't be coming back for the month of January and that maybe he would visit towards the end. Carlotta was upset about this; she wasn't ready to say her final goodbye to him. She felt that she hadn't spent enough time with him or didn't get her chance with him. Little did she know, he had messaged me to keep a small secret in which he was actually coming back and surprising everyone. He had already booked the tickets, but I kept my mouth shut in order to help my friend fulfill his wants of surprising everyone else.

One day, when majority of us were in the kitchen we hear a knock on the door which was unusual as everyone has a key to the kitchen. The knocking was persistent, until one of the guys that lives on our floor opened the door, screamed and ran out. Carlotta came right after and seeing Elijah outside the kitchen door, being hugged and somewhat tackled by Yannis, her face broke out into pure happiness and surprise. She was ecstatic. She ran out and hugged him too. Galilea was sitting next to me asking what was going on, and all I did was say, "Get off your phone and go outside". She soon followed and screamed just as loudly as Yannis did. It was a moment of joy which I can't explain. Like our little puzzle came back together.

Throughout the week, Carlotta would make jokes and comments about being with Elijah and how she didn't want him to leave, making it pretty clear that her feelings for him had grown stronger over time. Elijah would come into the kitchen, say hello to everyone else, and put his arm around Carlotta's shoulders. A sign of affection which demonstrated that the feelings Carlotta were experiencing possibly, weren't fully one sided.

The day before Elijah left, Carlotta started getting emotional and very upset as she hadn't shared her feelings with him. There was a cloud of regret coming over her if she didn't act upon them soon, before it was too late.

She pulled some of us aside, the ones which truly knew how she was feeling and asked for help or any sort of advice on what she should do. As the messenger, now was my time to shine. To be the supportive yet encouraging friend she needed. I told her "Maybe it is better if you express to Elijah about your feelings", which seemed to be a common thought around the people she decided to talk to. She was so nervous; you could see it in her habits of chewing on her lip and ripping the skin of her cuticles. Her eyes glistened with emotion as she understood what we were saying and was planning out everything in her head. The one thing that was the most important, was to reassure her that she didn't have to do anything she wasn't comfortable with. She could do what she felt was right and best for her and I would support her through thick and thin. We walked into the kitchen and you could see that Elijah was sensing a change in atmosphere. His face would go from mine, to Carlotta, to Galilea, to the other guy we talked to (another Italian) and back again. As we couldn't talk about the whole situation out loud, me and Carlotta began texting, asking if it was the right time or if she wanted to do it in general. She didn't feel right, so she told me no.

A couple minutes later, I turn away for one second and when I turn back, Carlotta is crying to Elijah across the table. He calls her over and gives her a hug. She whispers into his ear (clarification: I only found out about this later but for story purposes we will incorporate it now), "I like you Elijah, I really like you." His reply to that is unknown. Carlotta didn't understand what he was saying. Some of his other friends arrived at that moment, so he left to go find them. Carlotta started frantically explaining what happened. But you could see it in her face that she immediately felt better having told him something, or just anything. I told her she should still message him and make sure he truly understood what she meant, but as a global rule that men are stupid, we weren't sure if he had comprehended that she meant like as in like like and not just like.

Later that evening, Carlotta messaged Elijah asking to talk to him because she felt the need to clear her thoughts and the only person, she could do it with was him. He replied with "Let's talk tomorrow. I really rather talk to you tomorrow morning." See? Men don't get it.

The night went on, and Carlotta went to her room. I came in later and asked her how she was feeling and if she needed anything. She told me the same things she had been saying all night. After a while, I decided I wanted to go make some tea. So, I told Carlotta goodnight, and went to the kitchen. From the outside, I could hear some talking and music. I walked in to find Elijah and his two friends drinking rum and coke, classic Elijah. Elijah was sitting on the other side of the kitchen, sulking in his own sadness. You could see in his face, he was in pain; not physically but emotionally. As I started making my tea, he came up to me and sat in front of me on one of the bar stools we have around our kitchen island. He looked at me and told me he was sad and that earlier that day I made it hard for him because I have a tendency to push people away that are leaving but this is beyond the point. He started talking about his feelings and then he said, "And Carlotta...". I inquired and kept trying to get information out of him, playing my role as the supportive friend but also as the messenger. He told me that he liked her, just like she liked him. He told me that he was hurting because as he liked her, he was in love with Valeria. We talked about how it is normal, and it is okay to not be okay. I explained to him that Carlotta's main focus was to not lose her friendship with him and that was what she was truly worried about. He reassured me that that was never going to happen and that she shouldn't be worrying about that. I told him, "Elijah, you really need to talk to her."

A couple minutes later, Elijah asked me for a cigarette. Mother, if you are reading this, I do not smoke. Anyways, I said yes, I have one. So, I left the kitchen to go get it. Again, Mother, I do not smoke. The moment the kitchen door shut behind me, I sprinted across the hall. I could hear my flip flops hitting the soles of my feet. I then proceeded to bang on Carlotta's door. Fortunately, she was awake as she couldn't sleep due to her emotions. She opened the door, I told her everything. Her face lit up when I told her Elijah reciprocated the feelings but fell when I told her he was in love with Valeria. She understood the situation, but I could feel her heart dropping to her stomach. Wondering if there was any possibility for them to work. I left her at that moment, wished her good luck for their talk tomorrow, ran to my room, found the cigarettes, and ran back to the kitchen. I finished my tea and went to bed.

The next morning was interesting. As Galilea had already gone to bed the night before, she didn't know what was going on. Therefore, I messaged her when I woke up and told her to meet me in the kitchen. When I saw her, I explained everything that happened and she said, "This is a real situation" in her thick Italian accent. We proceeded to watch a movie and waited for Carlotta to come home from her early morning Exam. She walked into the kitchen, not really knowing what to do. We told her to go and knock on his door and just talk to him. Seemed like the most viable thing to do. So, she did that. The conversation they had is one I never truly found out about. Carlotta told me they talked about everything and how they were feeling but that is it. No information for this messenger any longer.

Some time passed, a couple hours maybe, and it was time for Elijah to leave for the airport. We said our goodbyes, and I was worried for Carlotta in many ways. I knew her heart was breaking, and I knew that I couldn't do anything about it because feelings are feelings and that's that. Elijah heart was hurting too, but he had someone to go back too. Carlotta took her chance, and partially lost it. But it made her stronger. She hasn't healed yet, but it is a process. This story doesn't need a messenger anymore, it is over. But we never know when this love story will truly end. Maybe it has a future, or maybe it doesn't. We can't control what will happen in the future, only now.