Truly, My First Love!

Hello Busy People, I will keep it real short!!!

I was just cleaning my cupboard when I found this diary of mine.Well, its 2 years old and my memories just flashed in front of my eyes....

I was new to one of those reputed companies and with lot of dreams I stepped in and I got a warm welcome from the team, my seniors were too good and work part went really well...oops forgot to mention I am a software professional with 2 years experience shifted to this company, people called me egoistic , happy in my world gal.

Well , I am a workaholic like rest of my team and I enjoyed it.After a couple of months one day when was returning back from break with my friends I just happened to glance this damn good looking guy(in my eyes, hehehe) smiling and chilling with his friends. Just glanced and went away with my friends.

Well that night I did remember his most beautiful smile with prettiest dimple on his cheeks(dimple always scores extra points from me).I was busy as usual and just forgot him .Newsflash .... I am a little girl gang types so hardly I had 2 crushes till I saw this guy and my crushes are for real only crushes like I am a fan girl who stays far from them and enjoy their sight and after a week or so I tend to forget them with my work, trust me I never even spoke to any of my crushes(I know it sounds a little tacky but yea I am that way).

After couple of days I saw him in cafeteria with his friends and I was alone you see my people are busy, hardworking and independent so I din't want to disturb my friends so usually breakfast I have alone, lunch and tea we go together.Well when I saw him I could not take my eyes off him if guys are thinking hard how this could happen to girls you have to trust me I just could not take my eyes off him and that day they completed their breakfast when I had just completed mine so out of curiosity I just followed them, I thought I will see if he happens to sit somewhere near me .

I was waiting for the elevator so were they and my heart was beating soo fast that I could hear it and then we entered and when I was about to press my floor number he pressed the same number and threw a gentle smile at me and there I go freeze.Then we reached our floor intentionally I walked slow so I could tail him and Bingo he entered the same wing as mine, I kept following(basically it was on my way to my desk) and right in the corner to my bay he was seated.My happiness knew no limits and I wondered what was I doing all these days like 4 to 5 months how could I miss such a pleasant smile.

After I realized I need to look at my neighbors once in a while not only my system else I would miss the pleasant smiles like every morning sunshine, I started glancing at his desk every morning on my way to my desk but he used to be soo much into his system but I was still happy for I could see my sunshine whenever I want.

After a month we had a event when all of us were there like my friends from different teams and this crush of mine I showed them(telling them is like telling whole world) and they were all like he is average and some told he is better than me and all.I knew he had the best smile with that dimple popping up everytime .

Days passed, months passed would see him during breaks and be happie as usual fangirl antics but surprisingly this time I was doing it for over 6 months without actually knowing and then one of my friends told me its time to move forward talk to him and stuff, well I am a shy girl from a orthodox family never known how is it to fall in love with a random guy about whom I dont know much.

In 1 year all that I knew was he was a tester and he was from same state( so we share common language in India) as mine and he plays badminton everyday and he had lot of friends but this one particular girl in his group annoys me very much.

A typical one side love symptoms of jealousy ...yes I envied this one friend of his who used to be always by his side and I got my new frames like those of hers thinking I have to flaunt my geek look is anyday better than her ... you know silly things we do.

We had this sports event in our office where I planned to participate in badminton just to try my luck to impress this guy, the event started I saw the audience and my crush who crushed me was not there and I played rather a lousy game till the opponent reached 13 points and I was at 2 then entered this charming guy with his friend and I was soo happy to see him and he passed a tender smile.

Then I was like bang on smashing the cock with the shuttle hard I raced up and both of us were at game point and my opponent got the winning point, I was still happy about my performance in front of the champion crush.

Months passed on and I was finding it hard to focus with some other politics in team along with my unexpressed feeling to my dear crush for almost a year and a half, then I started studying to get the concentration and in this process I prepared myself for interviews and attended them with no intention of joining but got a good offer which I accepted and was in my notice period of this company and the reality struck me.

I was feeling miserable coz I knew this guys used to exchange glances with me and watched me too but as i was not sure I did not want to sound like a creep so din't disclose anything to him now this is called ego I guess I was to afraid of being rejected but in last few days when talking to one of the common friends I told her how good his smile was and she probably figured out and told him as a farewell gift to me which was least expected and unexpectedly I elt hurt.

I felt my friend betrayed me and it was real hard to even look at him now, meanwhile company din't accept my resignation and subconsciously I was happy and decided to stay back.Now it was chaos he knew exactly how I felt about him and also the fact that I reject guys right away because I am afraid of relationships as my family do not expect me to choose any guy they feel its their responsibility to choose and I have a option to accept/reject that guy they chose any other guy they would surely make me quit my job and take me back to home and that is what I mean by orthodox family, with me being workaholic I can't imagine going back home .

So in this awkward situation we had another common friend whom he pinged and asked my number on my birthday to wish me and I was like no, then this wise lady created a group included me , him and herself there he wished me and my heart skipped a beat and I kept it casual and then the common friend quit the group with me an him let in it.

Then he disclosed his birthday was a day after my birthday and he also quit the group now I was confused I wanted to wish him in that group but a day after I wished him in his personal chat I was feeling guilty coz I have seen guys showing off to their friends that how girls pinged them personally and stuff, not actually sure if he was one among them I felt I should not chat much.

Following few days we texted mostly he sent forwards, I was afraid to ping him first maybe because I have seen lot of wrong guys claiming girls are easy to get and stuff and so din't want to experience any of it myself.I used to always cut the chats abruptly coz more I talked to him more I started liking him.

I was worried of falling in love with this pleasant smiling guy not sure why, maybe i thought he was one among those guys who show off girls are behind them or maybe I was afraid of being rejected(even though I knew I was an attractive personality ).I knew I was not suppose to run away from feelings but guess what I did the same.

Got placed in other company , on my last day I was afraid to meet him or tell him good bye because I felt I would pour out my heavily crushed out feelings to him so left without good bye note but still pinged him good bye in the private chat.

After joining new company I felt void was not interested in work, I drastically put on weight .We were still talking in chats he tried his best to stay in touch he told he could meet me some day near my new office and I told no as I was now drastically heavy and after a couple of days while talking he asked me which gym I am going to and had to lie because I was afraid I was out of shape(though my friends told I look good with my extra kilos) and at one point he was angry and told if would be only be in this chat world or planned to come into real world?I had no answer but it hurt my pride for reason unknown.

With the way he used to smile at me, initiated to chat with me, showed interest to meet me I din't knew what the outcome would be I was scared and he called it Ego.It was a long crush story of 2 years.

Its been 2 long years and yes today I miss little more than yesterday.......Every feeling sincerely penned for the World to know how much I miss you, comment on what I should have done in your reviews.