Have Some Remorse.

         We met under the roof of the science teachers classroom. Ms. Moore, she presented herself as a professional high school biologist, when she was just another women struggle under the pressure of her upcoming bills. I had no ill-intent towards her she was kind to us. Reigning us in when we got too loud, we all loved her. You sat at the back of the desk whilst I sat in my usual spot the corner next to the sink, a comfortable place where I could everyone, at least everyone but you. You stood out and yet you didn’t say much. I hated that about you. You never introduced yourself you just crawled your way in leaving a bloody trail in your wake. Like a parasite, invading its host and slowly infecting the systems. We didn’t notice you until it was too late. Truthfully I didn’t dislike you, I just hated how long it took for me to earn my place here and you were just granted your spot.

She talked about you a lot. I didn’t think much of it at the time, I eventually asked her about her feelings for you. It was denied quicker than a privileged daughter who asked for too much at the wrong moment. And so I moved on, I let my walls down around you, you never paid much attention to the wilted roses in my gardening. Pushing it off saying they were just planted in bad soil. I believed you. I replanted them. I moved them closer to you, because you told me that you'd teach me to cultivate them. For once they were a beautiful red. Brighter than the sun shining down upon them. And when summer rolled around you confessed to me. I remember it clearly sitting in the grass, the wind blowing through my hair, my head in your lap. It was good, peaceful. We announced it to our friends a few days later everyone was happy. Until she heard of our status. We didn’t talk to her for weeks she wouldn't respond to me, others claiming it was because of lack of connection. They knew something I didn’t.

I was in the car on my way to a family party when I got the text. She was furious, lashing out at me, screaming at me, asking why I betrayed her. I didn't understand she said she didn't love you. She told me it was okay with her; you were hers first. I made sure I didn’t overstep my boundaries. I did everything right, so why is everything going wrong? I was happy for longer than ever and suddenly everything was gone. I had nothing, no one. I hoped that my friends would help; they didn’t. One by one saying they “didn't want to choose sides” but they did and it wasn’t me. I spent sleepless nights sobbing into my bed sheets praying that my parents wouldn’t hear me. I couldn’t get out of my bed. I couldn’t turn on my phone in fear that you would leave me to. You didn’t, you just stared at me. Staring at the mess you caused. Although you made no effort to reassure me. So I left. I broke up with you two months later, because I couldn’t handle the pain that being with you brought. You didn’t put up a fight. That’s when I knew that you never cared for me. You just liked the idea of me.