Coming from the ashes

If you turn away from this I understand. This is hard to even type out. Our daughter is a beautiful combination of the two of us. I see her attitude sometimes it’s where she wants to make anyone miserable because they asked her to do something. I was filled with this very bitter realization. That is me, she mimicked how I treated you. I was so angry at you. that anything you asked of me I would say yes, or not even say anything at all, but have an attitude that would make you regret even relying on me. I thought incorrectly when I felt justified in how I thought and acted.

Not once in our marriage did I think like I was better than you. Yet you said I made you feel like that all the time. I felt lowly, unworthy, or annoying to you. I felt as if this marriage was your biggest regret from the very beginning. My actions were horrible towards you because I told myself things like “at least what I said about him isn’t as bad as what he said about me” or “the lies I told him are not as bad as the lies he told me.” Or even worse “at least I’m helping him, when was the last time he helped me.”

I realize now that with that type of thinking of myself and corrupt justification it knocked you down to how I was feeling. Always casting my punishment to you. Only now do I see that I displayed a warped sense of authority. I quarreled with you, blamed you, and made life miserable for all of us.

Our daughter began to mimicking my worst, and all I can do is hope that she will mimicking how I have changed for the better. I am sorry for my part in the downfall of our marriage. I hurt you more than I ever thought I could or would. I was blinded by the pain caused by you. That I didn’t see how the fire in my words and actions were burning you down, destroying you.

I don’t expect you to forgive me, but I do acknowledge how I was so wrong in my thoughts and actions. We both were toxic towards each other unwilling to stop burning each other down. But after any great fire comes re-growth. Life more abundant than before. It didn’t end there for me, please don’t let this be the end for you either. Find the one that will pour water into your life and cause you to flourish like never before.